Zombie-A-GoGo Reviews

Day of the Dead 2: Contagium - 2005

2006-11-05T16:26:00.000-05:00

OK. After years of waiting (I know, pathetic) to catch this beast, my copy finally arrived. I didn't expect anything masterful from it. I seldom do. But, I am a fan of the zombie genre and I can almost always say I've seen worse. In this case, I have once again seen worse.I'm not sure where to start. I suppose I should apologize in advance because this is one of my shortest reviews. On the other hand, I really see no reason to place an exceptional amount of effort into describing this film. Those who love the genre will seek it out regardless of what I write and those who would stay away from it probably would have skipped it anyway.

The beginning had some pretty cool head shots in it, but otherwise I had no clue what the fuck was supposed to be going on. Although one of the headshots did look more like shit flying out of the back of the guys head than blood. After a huge zombie shootout in a plague that seemed to have erupted in seconds, we flash to a mental institution. Well, of course the plague starts again and a group of mental patients begin to turn. Blah. Blah.

Anyway, the movie contradicts itself left and right and manages to leave room for a sequel. Please, God. Don't let it happen. The zombies are about as consistent as my bowels after a weekend of heavy drinking. Some are slow and stagger. Others move pretty fast. Some are stupid. Others are uber intelligent and even talk. Well, it isn't due to any particular reason, although at one point a guy explains the zombie types. Within ten minutes, he's dead and proven wrong.

Well, like I said, I didn't expect a lot and there are worse zombie flicks out there. Hell, I'll probably even force myself to watch it again. But, how many other people do you know that have watched House of the Dead three times?

For those interested, here is more information on the film:

Tagline: Every day has a beginning.

Directed by Ann Clavell and James Glenn Dudelson

Written by Ann Clavell

Cast:

Laurie Maria Baranyay- Emma

Steve Colosi- Boris

John Freedom Henry- Jackie

Justin Ipock- Isaac

Justin Thomas- Sam

Stephan Wolfert- Donwynn

Samantha Clarke- Ava Flores

Jackeline Olivier: Vicky

Andreas van Ray- Dr. Heller

April Wade- Patty

Kevin Wetmore Jr.- Jerry

Simon Burzynski- Rubinsky

Mike Dalager- Derber

Christopher Estes- Charlie

Freak Out - 2004

2006-11-05T14:45:00.000-05:00

So, I found myself pretty far out of touch with this site. A number of personal issues were taking away much of my free time. I supposed being a lazy person in general also didn't help me with being motivated. Well, ZAGG brought back that motivation in full force by sending me a copy of Freak Out to review. So, without further ado here's my latest review:

Story: Horror film buff Merv Doody leads a fairly mundane life until an amazing opportunity presents itself. After numerous crank calls, Merv captures what appears to be a masked psycho killer in his own home. He sets up video equipment and prepares himself for the find of a lifetime. Unfortunately for Merv, the masked killer turns out to be much less than hoped for. The killer, who Merv dubs Looney turns out to be no killer at all. Instead he is a feminine, soft-spoken, Larry Hagman loving vegetarian with no thirst for murder at all.

Merv begins to attempt to turn Looney into a maniac killer with no success until his friend Onkey happens to stop by. Looney reacts to Onkey’s visit in a most violent way, sending Onkey to the hospital and impressing Merv.

With Onkey’s assistance, Merv sets out to turn Looney into a killing machine with new resolve and the hopes of cornering the market on Looney memorabilia. Armed with a spatula, Looney eventually becomes the killer that Merv hoped he would be. Unfortunately for Merv and Onkey, they end up creating more of a monster than they hoped for when Looney becomes an insatiable killer.

I don’t want to give the rest of the film away so I’ll stop here.

Zombies: Yeah that’s right! This film has zombies in it. Unfortunately, they have a very small part and those looking for hardcore gut-munching zombie action will not find it in Freak Out. In fact, those looking for more than a few minutes of zombies will not find it here.

The zombies in the film talk in the type of voice fans of the Last Man on Earth might be familiar with. They are not really nasty-looking rotting corpses. Initially, a group attacks a helpless woman in a cemetery. Later, the same woman returns as a zombie and the love interest of the film’s protagonist.

Gore: No blood was spared in the making of this film. Although the gore is over the top and unbelievable for the most part, the viewer is rewarded with tons of blood, guts, and dismemberment.

Score: The score of the film is simply amazing. It fits in so smoothly that I hardly noticed the lyrical genius of the background music. Along with the hilarious dialogue and action of the film itself, those listening will find more laughs in the songs as well.

Favorite Quotes:
“There are no innocent Larry Hagman fans!”

“This can’t be happening! It’s like a bad movie within a movie!”

“Freddy Mercury and Jason Priestly? I love those guys!”

“Because of you, Larry Hagman’s on the run!”

DVD Extras (Anchor Bay's Unrated 2 DVD Set):

-Audio Commentary with Director Christian James, Actor/ Writer Dan Palmer, and Actor/ Producer Yazz Fetto.

-Audio Commentary with Director Christian James, Actor/ Writer Dan Palmer and Actors James Heathcote, Nicola Connell, and Chili Gold. Moderated by BBC Radio 1 movie critic James King.

-“Making Out” Behind the scenes of the four year shoot of the fim, from the initial filming to the highly successful screening at the Fantasia Festival in Montreal.

-“Geek Out” featurette featuring various internet movie critics expressing their views of the film over images from the movie.

-“Zaniac” music video

-“Bum Feeling 101” sketch featuring the characters of Freak Out

-“5 Minute Film Scool” giving tips to wannabe film-makers while spoofing the 10 Minute Film School of Robert Rodriguez.

-“Honey, I Blew Up The Looney” featurette

-“The Video Store” spoof films.

-17 deleted scenes

Tagline: Trained to kill… By idiots!

Closing Thoughts: Buy it. Rent it. Steal it. Just watch it. Unless you have no interest in comedy whatsoever, you definitely want to get your grubby paws on a copy of Freak Out. Is it the best horror/comedy ever made? No. Is it a good film? Hell yeah!

Additional Film Notes:

Country: UK
Year: 2004
Directed by Christian James

Written by Christian James and Dan Palmer

Cast:

James Heathcote:Merv Doody

Dan Palmer: Onkey
Nicola Connell: Abby
Yazz Fetto: The Sheriff
Desmond Cullum-Jones: Old Man Wilson
James King: Merv’s Boss
Tony Rogers: Chip McCready
John Fallon: voice of the Looney doll
Chili Gold: Cherry
James Hicks: Jeremiah Gibble

To Kako (Evil) 2005

2006-08-20T12:06:00.000-04:00

It's rare for Greece to produce a horror film, and even rarer to come up with a serious zombie splatterfest that plays like the mutant child of 28 Days Later and Bad Taste. Yes, it's generic; thinly plotted with a stilted dialogue, yet the main saving grace is the absolute passion with which it's directed, the thumping techno chase scenes (imagine Run Lola Run with a pursuing horde of the undead) and gore effects straight out of Tom Savini's top drawer.

Set in Athens, the film begins with an industrial accident, machinery clattering through a hole on a construction site. Three of the workers take it upon themselves to investigate and find a forgotten cave. They also stir up more than dust, instead waking something long since dormant. The film cuts to the next day, the three men are in sullen mood, detached from what's in front of them; TV, a football match, a nightclub. Then a violent change takes hold, transforming the men into crazed monsters, ravenously tearing into the nearest person; a wife, a fellow supporter, a girlfriend. The infection is immediate, and in a crowded city like the greek capital, only one thing can happen with an outbreak of flesh gorging, running zombies. Pretty soon the problem is epidemic, and no one is immune.

Our movie's main protagonists are two groups of survivors. In one, a teenage girl, a witness to her father eating her mother, escapes with a neighbour. The other, a taxi driver with two passengers finds himself on the fare from hell. After hearing messages on an emergency channel both groups make for the supposed sanctuary of an army base, the two girls picking up a stranger on the way, a man with an equally bleak story to tell; he had to shoot his entire family. The two groups converge on the base only to find it in disarray, populated by mounds of corpses and the dead still gorging on the once living.

The only survivor from this inferno is a young soldier, and all seven make a break for it, whilst pursued through the city by a screaming mob. Taking refuge in an abandoned restaurant, the stragglers are engaged in what must be one of the most over-the-top gore drenched set pieces ever. With decapitations, eye gouging, disemboweling with machetes, the imaginative use of cutlery and heads being split and squashed, you almost have to check your clothes for bloodstains - it's that gory.

The rest of the film could seem almost an anti climax in comparison, yet even more bloody scenes ensue, mostly helped along by a shotgun and a hatchet. The teenage orphan finds closure in dispatching her zombie father, but gradually a lack of food and sleep brings uncertainty (and insanity) to the group, and their number begins to dwindle as the sheer numbers of undead grow. The end of the film is as nihilistic as they come, with the last of the living hunted by an army of the dead.

This film has attracted a certain amount of criticism, but with the likes of Evil Aliens and Hell also being widely reviewed at the time, perhaps it's more of a visceral overkill. Whilst To Kako certainly scores no points for originality or acting, it possesses the intensity and charm of a film helmed by a director who firmly believes in his creation. He takes a big risk in combining dark humour with over the top effects, but this film succeeds where something like House of the Dead fails, it knows it's limits and exploits them to good effect. Put bluntly, unless your other half's a serious gore fiend then this isn't a date movie. But if this gets a DVD release, buy it, purchase a few packs of beer, invite over your friends and have a rollicking good time.

Review by Dr. Freudstein.

Acne - 2005

2006-06-27T16:07:00.000-04:00

Acne is a film about two crazy kids with an acne problem, but not the kind you’d usually think of. No, they’re not your usual greasy, pizza-faced saps, doomed to social awkwardness. Franny (Tracey Hayes) and Zoe (Nails) (harkening to Franny and Zooey, members of Salinger’s Glass family) are the victims of a terrible plot. See, the oil companies and Mershey’s Chocolate company are in cahoots. There is a deliberate oil spill that contaminates the drinking water, which of course, our two heroes do indeed drink. Sure, everyone does, but this virus only affects teenagers—because they have “just the right amount of bodily oil”—leaving younger kids and adults unscathed. The result: all the teens of the town become “zitheads”—characterized by a zombified stupor, the loss of all of their hair, and the tops of the heads transforming into giant, exploding zits.

Needless to say, this is quite disgusting. In fact, I’m not sure which is more gross: the actual popping of the giant zit heads, or afterwards when they are “feeding.” See, they don’t eat brains, oh no. And they don’t eat human flesh, no siree. They feed by rubbing oil-based products on their nasty, gaping, open zit heads after they’ve popped—butter, Crisco, you name it. Soon, the Army is involved and the lives of the teens are threatened (the political undertones of Acne are obvious, taking shots at capitalism, the government, and even the willingness of “the people” to be fleeced). Will Franny and Zoe survive? Will Mershey get away with this diabolical deed? You’ll have to tune in to find out.

Rusty Nails, of New Eye Films, in my opinion, is a filmmaker to be watched. Primarily—and call me an elitist, that’s fine—because he’s clearly not just another Camcorder Coppola. He’s not some guy who really likes zombie movies (though he is a fan) and so decided to spend $50, get his friends together and make a movie. He is a fan of films and a student of good filmmaking, and that makes all the difference in the world. He’s inspired by the French New Wave, and influenced by the likes of Jarmusch, Bunnel, Sirk, Van Sant, and of course, Romero. And these influences show. Acne's storyline is the kind of ridiculous fun that most of us can sit down, have a laugh and enjoy. But an amusing plot does not a good film make. And that’s the difference. In the hands of someone who couldn’t bring themselves to sit through a Lars von Trier film, this would have been a disaster. Instead we have a smart looking little movie, shot on B&W film (Nails seems to have put his $18,000 budget in all the right places)—an anesthetic decision that not only looks good, but hides production flaws—a smart decision, in my opinion.

Nails is also a music fan, and that also goes a long way to the film’s credit. Citing the influence of bands like Le Tigre, 7 Seconds, Minutemen, Operation Ivy, and Dead Kennedys (who’s Moon Over Marin Franny and Zoe wake up to at the start of the movie), Acne also has a fantastic soundtrack including previously mentioned DK, Lunachicks, Devo and Tilt. Instrumental pieces by Lisa Brandt and Scott Lamberty round it out with music to match the wonky 50’s Space Invaders feel of Acne (you can certainly feel the Sirk in this movie).

Also included on the Acne DVD are the short film Santiago vs. Wigface (a vividly colored, wacky romp in the silly vein of Acne--possibly wackier), the videos for Radar’s “God is Dad” and Tilt’s “Animated Corpse” (a completist zombie and punk rock fan must-have), and the 2 minute Blood Drinkers “trailer,” described on IMDb as:

"Blood Drinkers" is a recently found 40's film trailer from the never screened 1945 feature "Blood Drinkers." The trailer itself drove people to insanity and was purposely "lost" to prevent further mass hysteria.

Again, if you love zombies, and you want to see it all, Blood Drinkers is an adder to the list.

Do I recommend Acne? Yes, I do. It’s gross, it’s playful, it’s pleasing to look at, and between the B&W presentation and the score, I sometimes found myself getting that Night of the Living Dead ‘68 feeling, which is always fun. Filmmakers who have a good eye, know how to instruct a good cinematographer (hell, one that even uses a cinematographer), and actually goes out of his way to get the rights to the music he uses (as opposed to doing everything you can, legal or illegal, to save a buck) are rare things in this genre. Show this talented, scrupulous, and inventive filmmaker some love.

Intercessor : Another Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare - 2005

2006-03-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

I hate to trash independent film. I am quite aware of how logistically difficult it is to complete a film and especially on a low or zero budget. I never expect awe-inspiring effects, competent acting, or even a firmly laid out plot. Most times these Z-Grade films come across as either charming in their simple effort or brilliant in their illustration of absurdity. Sometimes however, they’re painful to watch and really never should have been made in the first place. Intercessor, Another Rock’N’Roll Nightmare unfortunately is one of those films.

Believe it or not, Intercessor is actually a sequel to a 1987 film titled Rock’N’Roll Nightmare. The only connection really is the role played in both films by 80’s heavy metal musician Jon Mikl Thor as the Intercessor. Time and doughnuts have not been kind to Mr. Thor as he appears in the opening sequence flashback (to the original film) looking like a Beastmaster clone to the present where he seems to have gained over a hundred pounds.

As soon as the movie began, I was blasted with caterwauling high-pitched early 80’s metal, a style of music, which thankfully and deservedly never gained any real success. As bad as the music is however, it’s probably the highlight of the film. All taste aside, it was at least produced efficiently, something I cannot say about the movie, which is just about as bad as filmmaking gets.

The plot is about as contrived and erratic as can be and is overly ambitious for such a mediocre production. There is just way too much going on in this movie to make any sense and it’s presented in such a disorganized fashion that you’ll think there are two films happening at once. It mainly consists of two competing villains, the cheesily named Zompira and Mephisto, who both have the lamest schemes to overthrow humanity. In fact, I’m not sure exactly what they were up to. There was something about an innocent little girl named Laura and if they could corrupt her soul they would rule the world. Then there was a handicap teenager named Harry, who is believed by the villains and anyone watching to be the reincarnation of the Intercessor. So then supposedly the story is about killing him and his true love and that will let either of the villains rule the world or defeat the other or something! Like I said, how they could achieve overthrowing humanity by doing either of these two things is beyond me.

It doesn’t end there mind you. The confusion heightens because for about half the film Harry deftly dispatches undead minions with his crutch and terrifies their masters, who talk endlessly about their fear of him and lead you to believe that he is in fact the Intercessor. Oh, but wait, it turns out that Harry is not the Intercessor after all and Mr. Thor shows up in his cheesy leather costume and metal mask to take over the battle and for some reason he has to get his power back from Harry (why or how Harry had it in the first place went by me). Then there’s the four horsemen, wearing even more pathetic Halloween costumes than Thor, four elemental demonesses wearing street clothes, human followers of Zompira or Mephisto (not sure which), zombies that talk like they’ve got a throat full of phlegm, a hitchhiker-loving dude with a magical car, and an alien lady with no midriff who I wasn’t sure was good or evil or what her purpose was at all. Oh, and I can’t forget how the film segways by having flashbacks done in black and white drawings with actors voices dubbed over (yeah, you read that right).

Now take this mass confusion and add terrible acting, another subplot about Harry’s brother who committed suicide, dialogue that is supposed to sound like gothic poetry but falls absurdly flat, fight scenes with cardboard swords and rubber armor, and effects that consist of Thor reaching above his head and grabbing a tree branch and then pretending that the tree is attacking him. Oh, I don’t want to forget the hellhound who looks like the friendliest pooch you’ll ever meet, the plastic baby’s head on a stick, or how walkie-talkies sound like the person is standing just off camera either. Whew! I’m sure there’s more ineptness I could point out, but I think you get the idea.

Some may read this review and think Intercessor sounds like campy fun. Well, it isn’t. I like camp. This is not camp. This is a catastrophe. I actually didn’t know that the film had been intended to be a comedy until after I had watched it and checked out the official site. It really played as if they were trying to be serious, saw the results, and then decided to tell people it was a comedy. Any quirky unintentional humor will wear thin real fast and viewing this film will turn masochistic if you continue to watch it through. I implore you not to watch it.

The DVD release has a behind the scenes featurette, 3 music videos, a slide show, and deleted scenes, none of which I could bring myself to watch.

Review by !Vision! (Brandon Begley)

Down To Hell

2006-01-11T17:58:00.000-05:00

Any fans of the film, Versus might be interested in knowing it was originally intended to be named Down To Hell 2. The interesting part of this is that most of us have probably never heard of Down To Hell and yet have heard of or seen Versus. Anyway, here are my thoughts of Down To Hell.

Tagline: There is no exit…

Plot: The film begins with an injured man running through a forest. He is set upon and brutally murdered by a group of armed thugs.

We are then taken to a street and see a man in a suit walking along the side of the road. A car appears and seems to be following the man. As he becomes paranoid and begins to pick up speed, the car speeds up as well and chases him down. The man is knocked over by the can and the group of thugs from the previous scene disembark to knock the man unconscious and abduct him.

The man is taken to the same forest we see the first man die in. The thugs explain that they intend to hunt the man down and kill him and tell him he will be given ten minutes before they begin chasing him. The man begs for them to show him mercy. One of the thugs responds by breaking his finger. Another starts the time for him to run. After a moment of standing and staring at his captors, the man bolts off into the woods while the thugs prepare their weapons for the hunt.

After the ten minutes run out, the thugs set out after their prey. The hunted man chooses to attempt to hide from the thugs, but is found relatively quickly when a partially buried body startles him. After one of the thugs catches up and finally kills the man, he relaxes for a moment only to find the body missing. This is where the zombie fun kicks in, as the victim returns to life to attack his murderers.

Thoughts: I rather liked this one. I initially felt this was a bit too similar to manhunting films out there, but the zombie bit threw a definite twist to it. It does not compare to Ryuhei Kitamura’s later films by any measure, but it’s still a decent watch. In a way, Down To Hell is like skipping supper and just having dessert. Much is left out in the way of a story line, but it is made up for in the action of the movie.

Fans looking for gut-munching zombie action need to look elsewhere. None of that will be found in this film. The one zombie in it is a superhuman killing machine with a really bad attitude. We never know exactly why the man returns to life, although some odd cloud movement and my watching Versus gives me the hint that it has something to do with being in the Forest of Resurrection. If that’s the case, I’m not sure why the other victim or victims did not return as zombies.

Those interested in a copy of this will probably have a difficult time finding it. I had to track mine down on Ebay. Fans of the subgenre and Ryuhei Kitamura's films should definitely seek this out.

Written and directed by Ryuhei Kitamura.

Starring: Masami Miyata, Yoshihiro Okamoto, Ryuhei Kitamura, Nubohiko Morino, Keishiro Shin, and Kohji Gotoh

Review by HatefulDisplay (Ron Clark)

Teenage Zombie House Massacre

2006-01-10T21:42:00.000-05:00

After realizing a number of zombie classics were missing around here, I took a look around my house in search of films that readers might be interested in knowing about. That’s when I dug up my cop of Teenage Zombie House Massacre and decided to watch it again. Oh, how one suffers to help others.

Before I go on too much, I will say that owning this movie did help me get talked into buying Midnight Skater by the same folks. Much beer and wanting to help independent filmmakers helped as well.

Review: We begin in the past. An apparently homeless man staggers down a road and seeks shelter under the porch of a house. As he covers up with his blanket from the night, he is attacked by what I assume is supposed to be a zombie. The attacker looks to be cuddling the vagrant and makes no attempt to bite him. I suppose the bites must have followed the initial snuggling.

Before we see the vagrant get wasted, the time flashes ahead to 1988. A group of metalheads are hanging out on some railroad tracks and planning their party for the evening. They choose to throw a party at a supposedly haunted house and begin trying to gather others to join them at the party.

That night, the metalheads begin to gather at the house. They immediately discover the electricity is still working to their apparent astonishment. I need that electric company and I’ll explain why later.

Anyway, the metalheads split up. A couple heads upstairs to get some nookie going. The others stay on the first floor and hang out waiting for the beer to show up. Although they have split into two groups, they both begin discussing the murders that occurred in the house they are in. They speak about the rumors that the people murdered in the house were cannibalized. This was supposedly over thirty years in the past, but the electricity was never turned off.

While the male lover heads off to find a condom, or a “jimmy cap” as he refers to it, a zombie attacks his woman. No one hears her screams and her man returns to the bedroom to work on sealing the deal. When he lies on the bed with her, he fails to notice that she is bleeding or that there is a zombie in the room with her until they both begin to bite him.

One of the remaining revelers heads up to the second floor to try to get “seconds,” only to find himself attacked by two zombies. He falls down the stairs and warns the others after being bitten. The three flee to the basement as more zombies begin to come out of numerous hiding places throughout the house.

I’ll stop now. Well, one can only tell so much about a 34-minute film before the whole story is told.

Final Thoughts: Needless to say, there is not a lot of substance involved in this movie. It’s packed with issues that can be picked apart such as the police never finding all the bodies like the one’s under sheets and in shrubs during the crime investigation. It’s entertaining to an extent, but nothing too exciting. The action is unconvincing, the acting is bad, and the dialogue needs help. The zombies look like extras from a gothic or horrorpunk video with pale skin and lots of black makeup around the eyes. There is a bit of gore, but as with the rest of the film, it is not too believable or enough to make most people wince unless Ghostbusters was a frightening film experience to them. I wouldn't recommend this film to most people unless you are seeking out every zombie film you can find. But, for what it’s worth, these guys improved their filmmaking greatly since this one was made or you enjoy campy and very poorly made films. Perhaps this is one to throw in at parties and make fun of. Even Stacy Silvers told me they made this while they were still in high school when I politely discussed my thoughts of it with him a couple years back. Check out Midnight Skater. It's a much better project by the same crew.

Written and directed by Jared Bullis, Andy Campbell, Luke Campbell, and Ezra Haidet.

Cast:

Andy Campbell- Axl

Jared Bullis- Richard

Luke Campbell- Doug

Andrew Mercer- B.J.

Roza Haidet- Abby

Ezra Haidet- zombie

Stacy Silvers- Beer Guy

Reviewed by HatefulDisplay (Ron Clark)

Zombie Bloodbath 3: Undead Armageddon

2006-01-09T21:55:00.000-05:00

So, here I found myself snooping about the ZAGG site looking for a film that isn’t listed in the reviews that I have stashed away in my collection. In other words, I was bored and figured I could entertain myself and help the site out at the same time. I scanned through the list of films reviewed and to my absolute horror; I find that Zombie Bloodbath 3: Undead Armageddon has somehow not been reviewed. I ask myself, “How can such a classic be missed?” Like any good staff member, I decided to toss it in the VCR and do a review.

Tagline: The Undead Will Devour You!!!

Plot: The film begins in the future, where a group of soldiers are rounding up zombies and loading them into a containment device that is to be picked up by a spacecraft. The spacecraft is to be sent into space so the pesky living dead can be disposed of and no longer be a problem. After the craft is launched, we are given the opportunity to hear a group of soldiers, aptly named Fulci, Raimi, and Mattei discuss the destination of the craft and find out that the zombies were created for warfare and got out of hand.

We then see the spacecraft, which looks astonishingly like a modern space shuttle, pick up the containment device and travel through what I can only guess is supposed to be a black hole.

The film brings us to modern times. A group of students is being kept after school for detention with the principal, Principal Gordon in charge of them. The detention crew consists of a metalhead type troublemaker, a couple of the trendy kids, and a couple others, who seem quite forgettable from the start.

Principal Gordon has to leave to let the two students, Travis and Skillet who do the school radio show into an office to use the equipment. The two somehow pick up when they thing is a homing signal on the school’s equipment. The radio station students decide they need to investigate the signal. They run across an acting class who has two guest speakers, a couple blaxploitation film type action heroes named Mack Brazzle and Durville Sweet.
Travis and Skillet begin exploring the school in search of the signal and locate a sub-basement in the school. The signal seems to be coming from that area. Travis and Skillet manage to enlist the aid of Brazzle and Sweet. The detention crew sees the actors and decides they should follow them.

The exploration continues and the group comes across a space shuttle in the school’s sub-basement. Within the shuttle, they find a cryogenic chamber with a robotically enhanced man inside. While leaving the area of the space shuttle, zombies begin to attack and chaos ensues as the zombies make their way to the upper levels of the school.

I suppose that pretty much covers the story. I hate to go on and give away integral plot sections that might ruin the film for you. OK. That was sarcasm.

Zombies: The first thing that comes to mind is the zombie inconsistencies. That’s one that always gets to me. Sorry, but I do like my zombie movies to offer one type of zombies unless they can explain otherwise. This one has mostly shamblers, who seem to be quite mindless. Then, another zombie is introduced. This one speaks and seems completely intelligent. A third type is then introduced in the film; a cyborg zombie. Yes, a cyborg zombie. I said it. Well, if anything, that might be a point for originality.

Gore: Anyone who knows Todd Sheets’ films knows he loves buckets of blood in his zombie flicks. This one is no different. There are buckets of gore throughout this film. None of it is too realistic, but the shear amount made me forget that we are not dealing with professional FX folks here at times. Overall, it is far from convincing, but it finds its mark in being excessive.

Final Thoughts: I cannot recommend this film for everyone. It is definitely not for everyone. For people who are seriously into campy B movies or the zombie subgenre, I think this is a movie worth owning. It has a terrible plot, bad acting, and unbelievable action. Otherwise, it is a relatively entertaining film. Hell, I’ve watched my copy a few times. Those interested in purchasing a copy of this film should hold off as ei independent cinema will be releasing Zombie Bloodbath 3 and other Todd Sheets films on DVD and they will mostl likely be in double or triple releases. Otherwise, this one might be difficult to track down. Sorry. I don't recall where I got mine offhand.

Written, produced, and directed by Todd Sheets

Cast:

Abe Dyer
....
Brian Travis

Curtis Spencer
....
Steve 'Skillet' Jones

Blake Washer
....
Gavin

Jolene Durrill
....
Rachel

Jen Davis
....
Andrea

Ruth Gordon
....
Tiffany

Phil Wymore
....
John

Jenni Geigel
....
Heather

Rico Love
....
Mack Brazzle

Antwoine Steele
....
Durville Sweet

Byron Nichodemus
....
Principal Gordon

Jeff Dylan Graham
....
Agent Raimi

John Bain
....
Sgt. Fulci

Will Crews
....
Officer Mattei

Ari Bavel
....
Behemoth Zombie

Reviewed by HatefulDisplay (Ron Clark)

Undead - 2002

2006-01-08T18:32:00.000-05:00

When brothers Michael and Peter Spierig set out to make a zombie movie, they did it with an originality and flair that was unexpected. Most low budget zombie films rip-off the Romero tradition shamelessly and callously, or they innovate with fast-moving zombies, slow-moving plots, and tired old premises. Not so with Undead. Undead takes a new look at zombies, while still keeping much of the original conventions and adding a new spin on the legends. It’s also a joy to watch; the gore and the special effects, all made at the hands of the two filmmakers and a computer are nothing short of brilliant and amazing.

A strange acidic rainfall, corpse-like reanimated Zombies, and extraterrestrial comets, spaceships, and aliens suddenly victimize a small town in Australia. When everyone in town succumbs to the strange invasion, the only surviving humans must band together to survive, as well as solve the mystery of what has happened to their beloved community. The cast is an assortment of normal humans we might find in our own neighborhoods; there’s Rene, the pretty local beauty pageant winner; Marion, the town Looney and gun enthusiast; Dirk and Emma, small-town police officials; and the pregnant Sallyanne and her lover Wayne. When they hole up in Marion’s house, they quickly learn that they will become zombie food if they don’t make a move, and fast, to get out of town. If only the aliens hadn’t built a huge extraterrestrial wall around Berkeley, they might be able to drive out, but there seems to be no escape. With Sallyanne going into labor, the acid rain burning them as it pours down, and a strange sickness developing around them all, Rene must learn to lead, or to allow her and the rest of the survivors to perish.

This film is compared to Night of the Living Dead and Dead Alive, but to my eyes this Australian zombie movie seems more like early Peter Jackson work. It’s low budget, but well made, and while it is extremely gory and gross, it’s still really funny and campy at just the right moment. Based on an earlier trilogy of films made by the Spierig brothers called The Undead Trilogy, it’s an homage and a cool sci-fi horror movie that seems almost too expensive, too advanced, and too professional, to be just like all the other crappy zombie movies coming out. With a 1950’s feel and a real science fiction element, “Undead” has a similar feel and tone to movies like Night of the Creeps and Critters 2. It has very cool special effects, and some really unnervingly violent gore sequences that shock and amuse. John Woo type action sequences and stunts add an awesome action-film ingredient that lends some spice to a tired sub-genre. Felicity Mason and Mungo McKay give great performances as Rene the beauty and Marion the outcast. Felicity has the ability to play a believable victim while not pathetically giving in to ancient stereotypes of women in distress. Mungo McKay is half hero and half weirdo, a sort of Van Helsing/NRA member crossbreed who concocts new ways to use rifles, and to destroy zombies. The funniest character in the film, Constable Harrison, is played by a very funny Dirk Hunter to perfection. The cussing, nervous, and egotistical cop is a thoroughly needed comic relief for a death-weary audience at just the right moments.

Undead is different from other zombie films, but remember that it is still a zombie movie. It doesn’t make any new innovations in the zombie mythos, but it does add on to the modern folkloric legend by preserving the tenets of Romero’s zombies, while being able to have some fun with the science fiction genre as well. Undead is really fun and really gory. It’s the perfect film for people who wish there were more films from Peter Jackson’s early repertoire.

Written and directed by: Peter and Michael Spierig
Featuring: felicity mason, Mungo McKay, Rob Jenkins, Lisa Cunningham, Dirk Hunter, and Emma Randall
2002
104 minutes

Review by Heidi Martinuzzi.

The Roost - 2005

2006-01-08T18:24:00.000-05:00

This film rocks. I can’t put it any other way. The Roost is in many ways a true horror throwback to the seventies and eighties, when low budget films still looked and acted like films, but in many ways it also employs real tricks of the trade that are fun and imaginative. Some truly eerie cinematography and some fine direction take this idiotically written little flick and turn it into a fun and cool trip down memory lane. Other films, of late, have tried to emulate this style and accomplish this décor (like 2004’s overrated Malevolence by Steven Mena), but few succeed where The Roost does.

A rather long and almost tiresome opening lets the audience in on a small little secret; the film is going to suck. It will suck in that really nice Worms/Pumkinhead/Motel Hell way that we all know and love. And it does. The cute ode to TV horror hosts and black and white comedy horror like Elvira and The Munsters doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the story, but, then again, the rest of the story doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the story. Several ill-fated youngsters on a dark road fall prey to a muddy road on the way to a friend’s wedding. When they can’t get their tire unstuck, they decide to take a walk down the dark and deserted country highway in order to search for help. What happens next s a bunch of creepy and nonsensical events that are so much fun to watch you forget, nay, you don’t care, that The Roost has almost no real plot.

The direction really stands out in The Roost. Bordering on improv, the dialogue feels unrehearsed and the long moments in-between statements comes off as artistic and professional, rather than amateurish and embarrassing. The Roost’s director Ti West really has a definitive style involving dark shadows, long silences, and (thank god!) no excessive or unnecessary dialogue. The Roost also isn’t afraid to show off its b-level special effects in broad lighting, and in color. Unlike so many b-movies and indie horror films, The Roost isn’t embarrassed by its budget. By bold-facedly highlighting the blood and gore, the film seems proud of itself, and therefore, we (the audience) feel proud of it too. West also has an advantage when it comes to his film; his location is really great. The old barn that 75% of the film is shot in is creepy, interesting, and allowed for so many artistic possibilities. West didn’t waste any of them. West has proven that barns can be creepy, too. So can darkness, subtlety, and suspense. The Roost employs all of them.

The acting is above average, probably due to the excellent direction, and the pace and timing are nothing short of perfection for a horror film. However, I won’t lie. The plot makes no sense at all, and there is no effort made to explain it. The Roost involves killer bats and bloodthirsty zombies, and somehow the two are connected. I saw the movie, but I still have no idea how, or even why, these two elements are even together in one film.

Despite its insistence that it is a b-film and deserves to be on a late night horror host show on public access, The Roost is actually better than that. Sure, the grainy, pixilated contours of the images, the lack of budget, and the downright moronic storyline might be qualifiers for such a fate, but the talent of the director, fx team, and cinematographer boost The Roost to a much higher level of horror enjoyment.

Written and directed by: Ti West
Produced by: Susan Leber
Featuring: To Noonan, Karl Jacob, Vanessa Horneff, Sean Reid, Wil Horneff, Barbara Wilhide, Richard Little, John Speredakos
2005
80 minutes

Review by Heidi Martinuzzi.

They Day They Came Back - 2005

2006-01-03T15:39:00.000-05:00

The Day They Came Back centers around a conflict in trio—the government (headed by Paul Kratka of Friday the 13^thPart 3, 1982), a commando (Chico Mendez of Troma’s PDA Massacre, 2004), and the group of young people stuck between the two while zombies have risen and are taking over. These zombies stem from a private research laboratory in which there were experiments in DNA mutation, toxic testing, and blood cell incubation—all of which, the fan will agree, are acceptable ingredients in the zombie flick recipe.

The Day They Came Back is part of what you hope for in a zombie short. Director Scott Goldberg has obviously taken the time and care to make it look slick, which is so much more than what we can usually expect. The Day They Came Back has good cinematography and the atmosphere is brought forward and kept up throughout, aided by an original score by Brazilian composer Marinho Nobre. This is an especially nice touch that sets it apart from the usual thrash-metal score that accompanies low-budget zombie films.

It does, however, run into some problems, but they’re not really the kind that one with $3,000 and 22 minutes can fix. The Day They Came Back runs less like a short film and more like a long trailer. This is only really bothersome in the sense that you really wouldn’t mind watching the feature this could be, if only there was one. It would have been interesting to see what Goldberg could accomplish with a little more cash and a little more time.

Frankly, most other troubles are really too trivial to mention in the face of Goldberg’s accomplishment—which is having made well an intriguing and well shot little zombie flick that I believe that fans of the apocalypse zombie story will appreciate and enjoy quite a bit. Goldberg, who admits to being relatively new to the zombie sub-genre (his introduction was in early 2003 with Day of the Dead!), does better what a lot of people who claim to be zombie fans from birth have done. This is fun to see and will maybe lay to rest the one-upmanship that is often seen on message boards and websites.

According to Goldberg’s website, The Day They Came Back 2 is in pre-production for Fall of 2006. My own advice to him would be to save those dollars and use The Day They Came Back to acquire additional funding. Instead of a short sequel, give us this one again, but in feature form.

To watch it yourself, just click the pic below.

For a ZAGG interview with Scott Goldberg, click here.

Choking Hazard - 2004

2006-01-03T11:41:00.000-05:00

I can only assume that the Czech Republic is doing relatively well since the fall of Communism in 1989—in fact, I believe it’s a proven truth, that the sign of a country on the political mends is whether or not it makes a gory zombie movie. It’s also nice to see that the Czech’s have a good sense of humor. Choking Hazard goes a long way in proving that.

Choking Hazard is a bizarre tale weaving the odd, but if you think about it, quite obvious, threads of zombies and philosophy. It opens with a woman in black, who blows a zombie’s head off with a shotgun. This seems a bit disjointed as we don’t see her again until the end, but if you’re living in the Czech Republic, you get the joke. The woman is Dagmar Patrasova, popular children’s television show host. The story swirls around a group of people who head into the woods to the Halali Motel to try to figure out the meaning of life, which is rather ironic. The group consists of a young nihilist named Verner, a girl with an apparent obsessive-compulsive disorder named Hanusova, an alcoholic named Krenocova who believes that one can find the meaning of life in an orgasm, and a hardcore porn start named Mechura who also happens to be a Jehovah’s Witness. A blind philosophy professor named Dr. Renis (played by Czech comedy star, Jaroslav Dusek) heads the group with his constant droning on about this and that philosopher. There is a particularly amusing bit about how a philosopher should die—Renis doesn’t seem to die quite as a philosopher should. Rounding out the group are the organizers, Lefnerova, and her whipped husband, Nedobyl.

During the first evening of their weekend retreat, for reasons not entirely clear, numerous zombie woodsman (called Woombies). According to director Marek Dobes, the traditional Czech forest ranger, or woodsman, “hunt the weak members of the herd in our forests because they try to limit the number of ill and crippled beasts to help with the balance of nature, which can’t work on its own, because the ecological factors are so limited in the surviving European forests.” While no other explanation seems to exist as to why these woodsmen would rise on this particular night and attack the people in this particular motel—this is as good a reason as any. All of the attendees of the retreat are searching for something that they could probably do just fine in life not knowing if they just lived their lives, which might be seen as a kind of weakness.

According to Renis, there are two things that control our actions in our lives, those being Instinct and Reason. And these two things do indeed materialize in the form of the zombie woodsmen, which come in those two flavors: the dumb and clumsy Instinct and the smart and dangerous Reason. While our cast of characters is whittled away (and by the way, how does one properly capture what it’s like to be blind and eaten by zombies? Watch this film to find out), we the audience can toy with the philosophical query of which is most important, Instinct or Reason. In the end, in a silly scene where a Reason zombie gets covered in blood and is attacked by a dimwitted Instinct zombie, you can reach your own conclusion.

What is most enjoyable about Choking Hazard is the obvious thought and consideration put into it that gives it a bit more substance that your average gore-fest, but at the same time, the lack of seriousness that accompanies it allows it to be critical of that very substance. It’s a movie that allows you to feel sort of clever to play with the ideological underpinnings, yet also allows you to laugh it off and have fun with it. Combine that with some slick shooting and some good acting and you’ve got yourself a winner.

Directed by: Marek Dobes
Written by: Marek Dobes and Stepen Kopriva

Feeding the Masses - 2004

2006-01-01T11:22:00.000-05:00

Often I wonder if indie horror filmmakers actually watch other indie horror films; you see the same cliché’s used over and over again, the same stories, characters, and ideas rehashed but never made any better, and you also catch them making the same mistakes. Not so with Feeding the Masses. Indie veteran Trent Haaga knows how to avoid the problems, even with newcomers Ted Marr and Richard Griffin taking the reigns.

Feeding The Masses is a very sophisticated zombie film that, like Romero’s trilogy (I hate t use the comparison but it is really fitting) is deeply intelligent and incredibly engaging; it’s just such a shame the budget couldn’t always keep up with the script. Written by Trent Haaga and directed by Richard Griffin, Feeding The Masses is an elaboration on the social implications of having our world taken over by zombies. This time the point of view is that of the journalist, and integrity, truth, and freedom of the press are the main issues. In war-torn times like our present, when anti and pro-war propaganda populate out televisions, radios, and written publications, we as Americans have a hard time deciphering between fact and fiction. Untrustworthy government officials and corporate machines are cliché villains, but they give us an enemy within our own nation to team up against in Feeding The Masses. Basically, with a good story like this, you could substitute zombies for anything; terrorism, war, smallpox...and it would still be a frightening horror film with a strong social commentary.

The strength of this film lies strongly on the characters; Torch, the cameraman, (played by the talented William Garberina) is a strong lead, he’s funny and he’s likeable, while being able to add quirkiness to the role. Rachael Morris is a bland Shelley, the anchorwoman, but her character is fresh and real, while Michael Propster is a sympathetic and charming foil to Garberina’s reckless wit. Add to it all the evilly uncaring government official Agent Barnes (William DeCoff) and a handsome soldier named Roger who has a thing for Shelley (played by Patrick Cotter) and you have a perfect formula for success. In fact, it might even make a pretty good sitcom, if you took out the zombies. Or maybe you should leave them in.

It’s really nice to come across an indie horror film about zombies that doesn’t just show naked women being taken apart by zombies, because frankly, it gets old. Some impressive CG sequences allow the feeling of holocaust and disaster to really sink in. Tanks, buses; they really did their best in terms of budget, but still couldn’t pull off some of the necessary effects that the script demanded. Feeding will show you your fair share of gore, but the emotional impact it has is similar to things you might have felt watching the Dawn of the Dead remake; it’s very well done, though director Richard Griffin sometimes loses opportunities to create action and often his characters go under-directed, keeping Feeding The Masses from being as impressive as it could be. Because of the budget constraints it can’t compete with higher budgeted indie horror like 28 Days Later, which are essentially the same sub-genre and cater to the same audience. An ambiguous and abrupt ending leaves the viewer craving more; gore, death, sadness, storyline; just more.

A great soundtrack adds power and class to the film, showing it’s a cut above the standard in more ways than one.

Written by: Trent Haaga
Directed by: Richard Griffin
Featuring: Patrick Cohen, Billy Garberina, Rachael Morris, Michael Propster
2005

Review by Heidi Martinuzzi.

Raving Maniacs - 2005

2006-01-01T11:18:00.000-05:00

There’s a rave going on. It’s gonna be great. Tuesday and her boyfriend J.T., and their friend Katie, and Katie’s brother, are going out partying to the biggest rave in Providence, Rhode Island. Of course, the reckless kids become part of an alien plot to distribute some strange drugs (they’re so strange, that they glow in the dark) among the ravers at the party. The socially smart storyline tells a tale of reckless youth with no control over the substances they ingest in heir endless quest for stimulation, feeling, and euphoria. The risks of doing some drugs may never be discovered until it’s too late, when the party's over.

This collaboration between Trent Haaga, Richard Griffin, and Christine Peltier all takes place at night in the darkness, at a rave. It’s got great atmosphere, and unwavering action when it comes to the set, costumes, and good cinematography. Unlike in their earlier endeavor, Feeding the Masses, Griffin employs some creative shots, beautiful and otherworldly lighting, and some seriously disturbing sequences guaranteed to make you queasy. Talent allows Griffin and his cinematographer to create atmosphere unlike anything most indie films are capable of generating; it’s stunningly fun and terrifying. Patrick Cohen stars as the club manager, who has a past with the dark and sexy Tuesday. Unfortunately, Tuesday is now dating the volatile and dangerous J.T., and he and Jessie (Patrick Cohen) have an evil rivalry. Throw into the mix a Vietnam vet, a nerd who loves his game boy, and a couple who work at the club, and you get; that’s right. To many characters. Immediately hampered by an opening that takes a good half hour to create because of all the different storylines and sub plots, Raving Maniacs is slow to get started.

Once the action does get going, it’s pretty good. The new glow-in-the-dark drug being distributed is actually of alien origin- it’s actually a pretty gross concept and will make you think twice about what you put in your mouth next time someone offers you something at a rave. The effect of the drug is an induced mindless, zombie-like highly sexual state that inspires you to randomly copulate in the most grotesque of ways with those around you. As the sex turns violent and bizarre, the few who didn’t take the drugs start to notice something is amiss. By that time, it’s too late for those who are infected, and for those who aren’t, because army protocol dictates that the facility be quarantined and no one gets out until after backup arrives. But is backup coming? Can one ex-marine hold down the doors while the innocent and the contaminated alike try to escape the rave? Its all frightening and fun from this point on, with some seriously disturbing scenes that cross the line of decency without being superfluous or unnecessary. (And THAT is a task hard to accomplish)

Griffin takes some pretty big risks with a low budget; it’s impossible to aspire to this level of filmmaking without acknowledging that the rave is going to suffer if the technology can’t be paid for. He does all right with what he’s got and actually makes a pretty intimidating feature relying on clever camera angles and creatively sinister lighting. Where Griffin fails Raving Maniacs is in his relationship with the actors; he doesn’t push them as far as they need to go to be believable. Emily Morettini as Tuesday can’t compete with Andrew Vellenoweth’s charisma and energy onscreen, and Patrick Cohen’s Jessie has a confidant, if somewhat affected, ability to contend. The long character development definitely holds back the characters once they are established; with so many intros and setups, the deaths come too quickly and seemingly out of nowhere. An unexpected love story comes through for the romantics in the end, but the glaringly obvious ramifications of frivolity and a callous attitude towards drugs looms largely over the entire narrative; drugs don’t make you different, they make everyone the same. Just like the traditional mindless zombie that Raving Maniacs imitates, those who indulge in addictions will become part of a pack of desperate and deluded sufferers.

Written by: Richard Griffin, Trent Haaga, Christine Peltier
Directed by: Richard Griffin
Starring: Patrick Cohen, Emily Morettini, Andrew Vellenoweth, Christine Peltier, Ryan Patrick Kenny, Jennifer Zigler, V. Orion Delwaterman, Edwin Cottle, Patrick Pitu, William DeCoff
2005

Review by Heidi Martinuzzi.

After the End, Act I - 2005

2006-01-01T10:44:00.000-05:00

After The End, Act I, is a disappointing film, to say the least. I’d like to say that this is D. Ryan Mowry’s firsts film, and chalk up the terrible cinematography and writing to inexperience, but I can’t. Mowry has made several previous independent films through his company Sneuwbal Films, After The End, Act I, being the most recent. 30 minutes is a terribly awkward length for a short film to begin with, and with the lack of budget, the bad sound, and the terribly amateur directing, it’s more awkward yet.

After The End, Act I, is apparently the first of several Acts set in the not-too-distant future when nuclear holocaust has turned everyone into zombies, except for a few pot smoking slackers living out in a Pennsylvania wasteland. Intending to pay homage to an already beaten to death idea of Romero’s Living Dead out in Pittsburgh, Mowry actually sets the film in the decidedly un-Pennsylvania-like Arizona, where desert cacti and sand let us know we are definitely not shooting on location. The beginning credits open with stock footage of H-bombs and nuclear holocaust of a level of professionalism not to be repeated ever again in the film. The music and the opening credits insinuate a much more professional film than what was actually created. Like so many independent filmmakers, the music and the graphics on the credits take precedent over the actual script and filmmaking itself, not only cheating the viewers but providing a stunning good/not good contrast between credits and story that is unforgivable. Mowry’s characters are shallow and hopelessly underwritten people who are not affected by the total destruction of the universe. They sit around all day and smoke pot. This is not a film about survival or about human relationships; it’s a film about pot smokers smoking too much pot. The world happens to be dead all around them. While the idea has merit as a joke, it’s not much to base over half an hour of footage on, let alone subsequent sequels and Acts. The film wants to cause laughter and inspire cult fans, but can never get over how funny it thinks it, and it never gets remotely serious enough to inspire real care on the part of the viewer.

Words that describe After The End, Act I: unintentionally ridiculous, badly filmed, and insultingly condescending in its attitude towards horror fans; yes, we do like zombies, yes, we do like Romero. That’s not enough to make you a filmmaker. Films require talent, planning, and care, and that’s something After the End just doesn’t have.

The Trailers and Teasers for the second and third acts that follow the initial footage is just as badly made. More like a teaser for a company that wants to get their film financed, so they made a short, After The End packages itself as a real movie. It’s not. Not only does this film not warrant any further acts, it doesn’t belong in a video store or on a shelf with other movies made by fans-turned-filmmakers.

Written and Directed by D. Ryan Mowry
2005
33 Minutes
Sneuwbal Films

Review by Heidi Matinuzzi.

Panic Beats-1983

2005-12-22T18:57:00.000-05:00

Jacinto Molina directs this take of murder and betrayal. If his real name doesn’t ring a bell, you might better know him as Paul Naschy, keeper of about 9 other pseudonyms. Ah, Paul Naschy—it seems that every time I picked up an issue of Fangoria after a hiatus, it featured an article/interview with Paul Naschy. While Naschy seems to be most associated with the Wolfman, he’s dabbled in zombies as well—he both wrote and starred in El Espanto surge de la tumba (Horror Rises from the Tomb) and La Rebelion de las muertas (Vengeance of the Zombies)—both in 1973. Ten years later in Latidos de panico—Panic Beats—Naschy would write, play the dual roles of Paul/Alaric de Marnac, and direct. Interesting to note, Naschy is reprising this role of Alaric from Horror Rises from the Tomb, in which Alaric is a medieval French warlock who is executed along with his wife. This character is loosely based on real life monster, Gilles de Rais—a 15^th century French nobleman, who kidnapped, tortured and murdered numerous children.

Panic Beats tells the tale of a man named Paul and his sickly wife, Genevieve, who suffers from a heart condition. As advised by a doctor, Paul moves his wife out of Paris to his family mansion near Perrouze, France, for some peace, fresh air, and other things that are supposed to be good for her health. The house is cared for by Maville, who has taken care of Paul since he was a child, and her niece Julie, whom you don’t quite like straight from the beginning. As they are preparing for the arrival of Paul and Genevieve, Maville relates to Julie the story of Alaric de Marnac, a knight and ancestor of Paul, who lived from 1515-1565—there’s a large portrait of him hanging in the house with a look on his face like he ate the last piece of cheesecake.

The opening scene of the film gives you a hint: Alaric, fully garbed in knight-gear, rides his horse after his naked wife, who has apparently been unfaithful. He ends the scene quite nicely by beating her to death with his double-headed morning star. After killing his adulterous wife, he goes on to kill the three of their five children (which, by the way, she sure didn’t look like she squeezed out five kids) that he didn’t think were his. Of course, in good Naschy fashion, he falls into “witchcraft and devil worship”, drinking blood and all that good stuff. His brother-in-law eventually kills him, with an arrow through the heart. Later, as Julie and Genevieve stroll down a path, Julie reveals that Alaric is said to return every 100 years to punish the Marnac women who live in the house—which would, of course, be Genevieve.

It’s little wonder that Genevieve has a heart condition as she freaks out at everything. They get mugged on the road, she freaks out. She sees a snake, she freaks out. There’s some bloody eyeball mush where her lunch should be…she freaks out. Somehow, this house doesn’t seem like the ideal place to take a woman with a heart condition. Hmmm, something’s suspicious! There’s some bad stuff going down in the Casa de la Marnac, but who’s responsible? Is it Julie? Is it Paul? Is it Alaric? I’m not going to tell you, but I will say that while not being set historically, Panic Beats gives off a nice gothic horror feel—which is something I always enjoy.

Like Horror Rises from the Tomb and Vengeance of the Zombies, the zombies in Panic Beats appear late, but better late than never. The seem to be the punished Marnac women, acting as the opening number for the arrival of the vengeful Alaric de Marnac, with their faces so putrefied that their features are almost obscured and their long straggly hair looks treated with their own bodily decay.

Julia Saly (Genevieve) is a familiar fixture with Naschy, also appearing in El Retorno del Hombre-Lobo (Night of the Werewolf, 1980) and El Carnaval de las bestias (The Beast’ Carnival, 1980) and can gasp and swoon with the best of them. Lola Gaos (Maville) also appeared on Jorge Grau’s Ceremonia sangrienta (The Bloody Countess, 1973) and had worked previously with Saly in Rafael Gil’s La Guerilla in 1972.

Midnight Skater-2002

2005-12-20T13:59:00.000-05:00

I picked this one up a little over a year ago at the Horrorfind Convention. Well, I probably would have never bought it had I not seen that these were the same folks that made Teenage Zombie House Massacre and shared my thoughts on the latter. Anyway, Stacy Silvers convinced me to buy a copy and I figured a review would be cool.

Tagline: Something strange is happening on a small-town college campus…

Synopsis: Students have been disappearing and the only clues left behind are a bloody corpse and the name “Midnight Skater.” A group of nosy kids take it upon themselves to put an end to the mystery, but find out they may be in over their heads! They’ll have to make their way through the college's dark side of drugs, lies, and murder in order to find out who is behind it all. Prepare for an all-out gorefest in one of the most bloody twisted tales of horror ever told!

As the synopsis tells the viewer, people are disappearing and the name “Midnight Skater” is seen. Otherwise, it has the movie description somewhat askew and leaves me wondering if the author of the synopsis actually paid attention to the film. There is no bloody corpse left behind, although we quickly find out that a maniacal killer is on the campus and preying on young ladies. We also see that the “Midnight Skater” is not the killer because he skates by the home of a victim and stops briefly to listen in on her screams.

There is a group of six college students who are out to discover the mystery of the “Midnight Skater” and stop his vandalism spree on the campus. They do not mention the missing girls at all. The group devises a number of plans to capture the skater and bring him to justice. They finally decide to start staking out the campus in order to capture him and stop his vandalism. Danny, one of the group’s members, finds himself torn between hanging out with his best friend Alvin and helping the gang stop the campus vandal. Alvin also happens to be the roommate of the homicidal maniac.

Add to the mix, a designer drug known as “Z” being distributed by a couple of drug dealers who hang out on the campus. Something goes terribly wrong with the popular and highly addictive drug, turning partying college students into flesh eating zombies. The bumbling gang of would-be heroes ends up in a huge mess between the living dead, a mysterious and menacing skateboarder, and a machete-wielding lunatic.

This is a twisted film, just as the case promises. The gore is plentiful, although not very realistic. In the delivery of much of the gore, the viewers might find themselves having to turn away or be somewhat appalled. One particular moment that got to me was a castration scene. Yeah, these guys didn’t pull any punches when they went for the splatter.

The acting was okay for the most part. Some of it was pretty pathetic and most of it was less than convincing. Some of the actors did well in their rolls though, particularly Alvin although his nerdiness might have been overplayed to an extent. In a way, I wonder if some of the acting was intentionally poor. Regardless, the acting was not enough to make me stop watching the film or prevent me from watching it again on other occasions.

The dialogue was entertaining and original for the most part. Even though viewers might get tired of the constant barrage of nerd jokes, the humor was on for me. That’s not to say that I have the most normal sense of humor mind you. A Scooby Doo reference was also thrown in well at one point. I enjoyed a number of the films lines, such as:

“You’re feisty. I like that in my victims.”

“I have the strength of ten men. The power of the purple ninja flows through me.”

”Did you just piss your pants?”

“That’s the best sex I ever had with a dead body whose arm was cut off that I was using to spank myself on the ass.”

Maybe, they’re better in context. Who knows?

The zombies were decent, but nothing spectacular. Lots of black make-up around the eyes and some crusty white flesh seems to be the gist of it. They shamble and eat flesh. Some of them speak, mainly calling out for more “Z.” They can be killed in a number of ways aside from just the typical dispatching of the head or destroying of the brain. With these zombies, damage that would kill most people seems to keep them down for the count.

The score is decent, although one particular surf rock songs seems to be overused in the film. There is also a campy, but catchy eighties metal style song called Midnight Skater at the end, which always serves to amuse me.

Over all, I say this film is well worth watching. Collectors and fans of the zombie subgenre should definitely have this one in their collection. I watch it on occasion and make most visitors to my home sit through it. What one doesn’t enjoy of the film itself is made up for in the sadistic and over the top humor of the film.

Directed by Lucas Campbell

Review by hatefuldisplay (Ron Clark).

Macchie solari (1975) aka Autopsy

2005-12-19T13:40:00.000-05:00

Autopsy is no zombie movie—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It is, however, what you might expect when you sit down to partake in some classic Italian Giallo, expect maybe slightly more convoluted.

Mimsy Farmer plays Simona, a pathology med student working on her Masters thesis concerning the “difference between simulated and authentic suicides.” It seems as good a cause as any, I suppose, but Simone is certainly not the person to undertake this task and she proves this to us in just the first few minutes of the film by acting batshit crazy.

The film opens on a series of suicides, as apparently, Rome is having an epidemic of them. A women slits her wrists, a man puts a plastic bag over his head then throws himself in a river, a man sets his car of fire with himself in it, and finally, after killing his two kids, a man shoots himself in the chest with what looks to be a semi-automatic machine gun. Sounds promising, doesn’t it? Next, we’re in the morgue with Simona, her perverted morgue co-worker and bunches of bodies. During the autopsy she’s performing, she begins to have delusions that the corpses around her are getting up, screaming, smiling, flailing and ultimately having sex with one another. This is the extent of the “zombie” action, with the very brief exception much later in the film when a “suicide” victim returns in a quick hallucination in which she says something of no importance.

It’s not only all downhill after this; it’s also around corners, down back alleys and through winding tunnels. I’ve seen it said in other reviews of this film that one of its strong points is that it is “intricate” or “complex.” I am of the opinion that these reviewers feel that the more tangled and torturous a film is, somehow, the deeper and more intellectual it is. I strongly disagree. There are examples of where that can be said, such as Momento, and other where it cannot, such as Autopsy. This film is full of mystery, it’s true, but it’s not the sort of mystery that makes one ask “Who dunnit?” so much as “What the hell is going on?” It’s one thing to be intrigued and quite another to have to pause occasionally with your viewing partner just to try and see if you’re even close to being on the same page.

With the rash of suicides, there is one in particular that causes some ruction. Betty Lennox has shot herself in the face and her brother, Father Paul Lennox, is convinced it was a murder and not a suicide. The Lennoxes eventually become intricately involved with Simone, her boyfriend Edgar, her father Lello—but strangely, have nothing to do with the opening suicides. Simona has a theory that the rate of suicides go up in the summer months due to sunspots, but the film has less to do with that and more to do with her own relentless frigidity that Edgar tries desperately to thaw at every given opportunity. I for one could never figure out if Simona is going crazy because of her work and the goings-on around her, or if she was pretty screwed up to begin with. Frankly, it doesn’t really matter.

Director Armando Crispino, also responsible for L’Rtrusco uccide ancora (The Dead Are Alive, 1972) and Frankenstein all’italiana (Frankenstein: Italian Style, 1975), could have done better with a more coherent script. But then, he wrote the script, with co-writer Lucio Battistrada, who also co-wrote The Dead Are Alive with Crispino—so I suspect the blame for that lies squarely with them.

The score was composed by Ennio Morricone, also famously responsible for Per un pugno di dollari (A Fistful of Dollars, 1964) and Il Buono, il brutto, il cattivo (The Good, the Bad and the Ugly ,1966). This might be the films’ only saving grace, while not quite as memorable as some of his other work, it certainly helps rather than hurt this film.

As for the players, Mimsy Farmer (Simona) also appeared in Lucio Fulci’s Il Gatto nero (The Black Cat, 1981) and Ruggero Deodato’s Camoing del terrore (The Eleventh Commandment, 1987) with Last House on the Left’s David Hess. Classic horror hippie Ray Lovelock (Edgar) also appeared in Umberto Lenzi’s Un Posto ideale per uccidere (Oasis of Fear, 1971), Jorge Grau’s Non si deve profanare il sonno dei marti (Breakfast at Manchester Morgue, 1974) and Lucio Fulci’s Murderrock-uccide a passo di danza (The Demon is Loose, 1984). Barry Primus (Father Lennox) played Rake Brown is Scorsese’s Boxcar Bertha (1972) and Hermann Goering in Roger Corman’s The Red Baron (1971). Maybe if you’re a fan of any of these actors, you might find this worthwhile. If not, you might want to pass.

Taglines
It'll take you... apart!

There is one horror that goes beyond the living dead!

Great Line
Edgar: “Enjoy what’s left of the summer. Then, if you want,
just to please you, we’ll all commit suidice.”

They Came Back-2004

2005-12-18T18:48:00.000-05:00

Les Revenants (They Came Back) is one of those “not-your-typical-zombie-movie” zombie movies. If you’re looking for rotting, shambling, drooling flesh-eating corpses, then you might want to look elsewhere. However, if you’re open to something that takes a little more interpretive effort—and you don’t mind subtitles—then you might want to pop this one in.

In a nameless French town, 13,000 persons who have passed away within the previous ten years have mysteriously comeback. It is apparently a worldwide phenomenon, with about 70,000 recently deceased returning to the living realm. The deceased return well kempt, with a high resistance to infection and a slightly lower than normal body temperature. They’re also, obviously, not quite the same as they once were when alive.

The city is at a bit of a loss as to what to do with them, and over the course of about a month, they conduct research, they do tests, they try to figure out what makes these people tick. The deceased are slow to communicate, they have lapses of awareness, and though their motor functions seem unharmed, they have a certain sluggishness about them. And although they don’t sleep; they’re always moving. The other problem the city faces is how exactly to allow these people to become productive members of society, and, in the process of attempting to solve this problem, the inevitable prejudice and class issues arise.

Upon their arrival, the deceased—or, “returnees”—are given the refugee treatment and herded into the city’s civic center to wait away the hours, days, or weeks until a family member comes to claim them…if they are claimed at all.

The thing this film does best is addressing an issue that is so rarely openly tackled: grief and mourning. And it does this in a very unique way—instead of talking about the process of grief as something to get-through and overcome, this film somehow turns the issue of its head.

When we lose a loved one, we mourn, we suffer, we long for their return. We vow that there is a void that can never, ever be again filled. This film makes you question whether that’s actually true. The fact is that the void does fill—it fills physically with other people, and it fills emotionally through the treacherous work on the part of the mourner—it takes a lot to get on with life after losing someone close. So much so that upon they’re re-arrival…you might not know what to do.

Les Revenants allows us to examine the different reactions of those who had been left behind, and who have been returned to: An elderly man who lost his wife, a couple who had lost their 6 year old son, and a young woman who lost her live-in boyfriend. All react differently in what seems to me a perfectly unimaginable situation.

In the end, the question of how these people could be integrated back into the society they left behind is answered; they can’t. And the living are the last to realize this, though the dead seem to catch on rather quickly, despite their torpid drifting. Contrary to what we insist is true, there really isn’t an eternally empty void left behind—reality changes, we change with it, and we go on.

Directed by Robin Campillo

Dead Meat-2004

2005-12-18T11:52:00.000-05:00

Think 'Shaun Of the Dead' set in rural Ireland, with a wee bit of 'Blair Witch Project' thrown in and you're on the right dirt track for getting a feel of what 'Dead Meat' is about. This Irish independent zombie flick starts with the usual hoo-haa about viruses spreading. This time, however, it's due to a bizarre strain of mad cow disease, resulting in rampant local farmers terrorising the countryside in which our heroine, a blatantly Irish looking lass playing a French girl, finds her cute little pajama clad arse stuck. Along the muddy way our feisty lead bumps into local gravedigger, Desmond. Together they make their way over to Desmond's farmyard, wherein they find a terrified child and a mad-as-tartan couple of yokels kick-starting their jeep.

There's a chaotic beauty to this flick which you'll either love or hate, but it'll have you guessing just what the feck is going to happen from green pastured start to blood soaked finish. The gore really impressed me for the most part, whilst at other times looking iffy. Similar could be said regarding the zombie make-up. However, some innovative touches, such as an infected cow attack and a field full of sleeping zombies (like cows they sleep whilst standing up) made this little number a direct entry into my Indie horror top ten.

There may be a few niggles for non-Irish viewers to be wary of, such as the unapologetically thick Irish dialogue and local trademark humour. Both could well be hit-or-miss with an international audience.

All in all, this is a winner, which makes me proud to be an Irishman. Oh, to be sure to be sure!

Tagline: It's not what you eat, it's who you eat!
Directed by Conor McMahon

Review by Spiral (Wayne Simmons).

A Dark Place-2004

2005-12-15T00:44:00.000-05:00

Story: Three friends (Rusty, Mikey, and Matt) move into a new house. Before they have even unpacked, a badly injured man staggers out of the woods and into their back yard. They call the police; only to find out that four people have been killed with similar bite marks and over thirty people have gone missing from the same wooded area with no clues ever found.

Rusty, in the typical tradition of horror films, decides to head into the woods to take a look around. He gets a bite taken out of his arm and begins to isolate himself and act strange. After two days, Rusty goes over the edge by crashing through a sliding glass door and running off into the woods.

Matt decides to take the law into his own hands and go after Rusty. Mikey feels that the whole situation is a bit much for him and heads back to wherever the three moved from. Enter Jon, the brooding hero type with a thirst for revenge for the loss of his woman and we have the final showdown between Matt, Jon, and the zombies who have been plaguing the forest. Right, I wasn’t that impressed with the complexity of the plotline either and may have made it sound a bit worse than it actually was.

Zombies: These are definitely not your Romero-style zombies. Although the filmmaker calls them zombies, they seem closer to vampires or some other species of creature to me. They run, grunt, and apparently don’t take very big bites when they attack. We don’t get many clear shots of them, but the zombies appear to be pretty normal looking people covered in mud. And, guess what? One of the film’s features tells us that is exactly what they are: mud-covered people.

The zombies can be killed by conventional means. No head wounds are necessary. In fact, the brooding hero prefers wooden stakes. I know. Zombies?

Gore: There is some decent blood in this film. Those looking for some heavy and nasty wounds will not find it here. A majority of the bleeding is done quickly and then cut away or cut away from the injury to show spurts of blood moving away from the point of attack. I suppose most of the injuries inflicted at these points are to be left up to the imagination of the viewer. The one exception to this is a decapitation scene, which goes by fast enough to look all right.

Score: The score is okay. I was expecting more of a cluster of bands in the background and was pleasantly surprised to find that they actually made their own score for the film with synthesized music and a keyboard. The music is dull at times, but suits some of the scenes well enough to create a somewhat creepy ambience.

DVD Extras: Extras include outtakes, features on how the film was made, and the film’s trailer.

Acting/ Dialogue: I must say the acting was not overly convincing. On the other hand, it was not cardboard. The actors demonstrated emotions appropriately and did a decent job at times. The dialogue was not too bad, although it was a bit campy at times. Here are a couple examples of the lines I found to be interesting:

“You can’t get him back now.”
“Why can’t I?”
“He’s in a darker place now.”

-----
“They made it personal. I’m keeping it that way.”

Overall, I rate this film 2 and ½ out of 5 skulls. It’s a fair independent attempt. It lasts all of 45 minutes, so additional time could have made it more difficult to sit through or improved the film. I have no idea which. I won’t be holding my breath waiting for more films by these guys, but I suppose I would watch something else by them if I were bored.

Tagline: Their world seemed normal, but shadow loomed.

Country: USA

Year: 2004

Directed by: David Matheny

Starring:

Chris Smith ... Matt
Kyle Mangrum ... Jon
A. J. Barrero ... Rusty
David Matheny ... Mikey

Review by hatefuldisplay (Ron Clark).

The Devil's Fetus-1983

2005-12-14T19:52:00.000-05:00

I like to think that all films in some way reflect the creator’s idea of society and culture. Even those American stinkers, the Z grade schlock a zillion leagues below even the B grade stinkers. Even with those, you can probably discern something about what the writer and/or director is thinking. Even if they insist that they only wanted to make a silly, gory movie (which I don’t doubt that’s merely what they meant to do), I will still insist that everything we create is somehow or another affected by our own personal opinions about the world around us. Without that input, even subconsciously, we suspect we’d create nothing.

That being said, the thing I realize most about watching a movie like Mo tai (aka The Devil’s Fetus) is that I know absolutely nothing about Hong Kong culture. I would think that if I did I would be able to pick out something in this movie that makes a statement—even a little one. I don’t buy that they just make wacky films that no one understands. I often wonder what Hong Kong audiences think of American B to Z horror movies. Are they entertained but somehow just don’t get it?

----------

A grandmother (Granny) and her daughter-in-law (Auntie) are at an auction, and at this auction Auntie, on a whim, buys a jade vase. She takes this vase home, where Ganny, Auntie, Uncle, brother and sister-in-law (Mr. and Mrs. Cheng) and their two sons (Kent and Kwo Wei) live together. That night, Auntie lounges around in bed, absently picks up the vase from the nightstand and considers it. Now, just seconds before the action starts, it suddenly dawns on you that you know exactly what’s going to happen. And you’ve guessed correctly, she gets down and dirty with the vase, which suddenly transforms into a hideous blue-grey-green slimy demon with a wild white mane of hair (which doesn’t so much say “demonic” to me as much as it says “old man”). Needless to say, she becomes rather attached to this vase and begins to act strangely.

Soon after, Uncle comes home from work one night only to open the bedroom door to the repulsive scene of the slimy-nasty demon humping his wife. In moments, the demon changes to a vase when the husband bursts in angrily then smashes the vase on the floor. The room fills with a noxious mist that contaminates the husband. His face become swollen and blistered. He is eventually, to his horror, able to pull it right off his head, revealing a squirmy-bloody-maggoty mess just before he seemingly tosses himself out the window.

The family is obviously devastated. The next evening, while Auntie mourns, she thinks she hears her husband’s voice calling to her. She ventures out of the bedroom to investigate, only to be knocked over the upper balcony to her own death by a flying kitty cat. Now the family is really devastated. At Auntie’s funeral, the priest has a bizarre vision of the woman in the casket. Her belly swells and pulsates until indeed a little ghoulish baby pops through. He warns granny that the couple weren’t meant to die at this time and would wander the earth until the can go on to their next birth. Their bedroom is turned into a shrine and it’s to be undisturbed.

Many years pass. It took me a while to realize that many years did pass, as there’s nothing to suggest that they have. Take my word for it.

Kent and Kwo Wei are grown, and Auntie’s daughter Juju is visiting. They seem a contented family, with a German Shepard named “Boby” and Granny, who spends most of her time praying in the temple and banging on a wooden object with a wooden stick. She does this a lot. Kent and Juju pay a visit to granny and whilst visiting, they decide to burn some incense at Auntie and Uncle’s shrine, during which Juju makes a mess of some carefully placed ritualistic ribbon/parchments, which of course, ruins everything.

As they leave Granny’s, one of the parchments flies out of the window and attaches itself to the car bumper. When they arrive home and they’ve entered the house, the parchment glides off of the bumper, only to be eaten on the porch by Boby the dog. This, as you can imagine, sets of a chain of events that can only lead to horrific disaster.

For the remainder, I’ll just give the highlights. The demon is now inside Boby, which eventually gets transferred to Kwo Wei, who immediately takes on the generic automaton gaze and deliberate walk. There’s dog attacks, there’s dog eating, there’s maid raping, there’s near drowning, there transsexual masturbation, there’s worm eating, there’s a dude being crushed by a room (yes, I mean exactly that) and yes, there’s more slimy demon-sex. A lot of this is done with the accompaniment of some wicked 1980s video game-esque sound effects that make you nostalgic for that Atari system. There are also a couple of signature Hong-Kong-ish battle scenes that don’t make any logical sense, but are really great to watch.

So, where’s this Devil’s Fetus the title keeps going on about? That I’m not entirely sure of. I don’t recall there being mention of a daughter from Auntie and Uncle prior to their deaths—so where did this Juju girl come from? Is she the Devil’s Fetus? I don’t know. Was the demon’s goal to make a Devil’s Fetus? The priest’s vision would seem to indicate that this was the case, but later, with the masturbation scene (you’ll know what I mean when you see it), I’m left to believe that the demon’s only purpose was to get as much Asian poon-tang as it could before he was thwarted.

----------

This is Lau Hung Chuen’s debut film, and boy, what a smashing way to start a career. He was working with a pro, however, as producer Wei Lo produced Fists of Fury (1972) with Bruce Lee, not to be confused with another Wei Lo production, Fist of Fury (1976), with Jackie Chan. The only other little bit of interesting Devil’s Fetus trivia that I know of is that Pak Kwong Ho (Mr. Cheng—who gets crushed by the room) more recently had a bit part in John Fawcett’s Ginger Snaps (2000).

Although there’s no earthly reason why I should have been able to walk away from this film feeling as if I’ve really learned something of substance about Hong Kong culture and/or social taboos, I’m going to pretend that I did. And seeing as though I don’t actually know anything about the culture, I’m going to do what critics do best and I’m going to make something up. Put this in your pipe and smoke it:

The Devil’s Fetus is obviously a torrid tale of the horrors of infidelity. Chuen’s apparent message is that the unmitigated sexual desire that can lead to unfaithfulness is not only damaging to the marriage, but also harmful to the family in ways that can eventually manifest down through the generations causing difficulty in maintaining healthy relationships.

Now that that pesky pretend interpretation is out of the way, let's get down to the important question: Is this a zombie movie? In my opinion, no. Not really. However, if you consider the likes of the first Evil Dead movie, or say, Bava's Demoni, to be a zombie movies...then maybe you'd think this one was too. There's never the raising of a corpse--just the possession of a live person that then takes on zombie-like characteristics.

Runtime: 84 min
Country: Hong Kong
Language: Cantonese

Cast
Sha Fei Au Yeung .... Granny Cheng
Eddie Chan .... Kent Cheng
Wing Cheung Gam
Pak-Kwong Ho .... Mr. Cheng
Tan Lau
Saan Leung
Sau-Ling Lui .... Juju (as Sau Fan Loy)

Directed by Lau Hung Chuen
Produced by Wei Lo

Choking Hazard-2004

2005-12-13T12:12:00.000-05:00

Anyone who thinks the Japanese are the only ones that make crazy movies should think again! Choking Hazard is one crazy zombie (or woombie!) movie from the Czech Republic!

The story is about a group of people that meet at an hotel in the middle of nowhere, to attend a course on the meaning of life, and then the zombies attack. Or more correctly Woombies - Woodsmen Zombies!

This has a bit of everything, a blind philosophising zombie, kung-fu zombies, a Jehovah’s witness porn star(!) even break dancing zombies! It’s just a stupid movie, but in a fun get the beers in kind of way!

The gore hounds amongst us should be kept happy as there is a fair amount of blood and brains flung about right from the start. The gore and jokes do a good job of covering up any faults in the acting, which to tell the truth isn’t that bad. This is a B-Movie and proud of it.

The only real problem I had with this flick (and it’s only a minor one) is that nothing is really explained (mindless psycho-babble aside). Why are there zombies everywhere all of a sudden? Was there a virus? Who knows, and who in all honesty really cares! You’re going to watch this for laughs, blood, guts and zombies. That’s it, nothing else!

Turn your brain off (leave a little on though for the subtitles), kick back and enjoy the show!

Director : Marek Dobes
Writer : Stepan Kopriva

3 and ½ voodoo dolls

(Courtesy of my good self and Joe Horror magazine!)

Review by Pain (Jude Felton).

Feast of the Funky Disco Zombies-2003

2005-12-12T19:19:00.000-05:00

Synopsis: OK, this is a very innovative way for the dead to return to life. A rap "artist" named Strizzy K releases a new single titled, "Baby, Freak My Kizzerp" using samplings from some occult disco songs from the seventies. As the song gains popularity and gets played across the continent, the zombies start to rise to consume human flesh.

Seven friends are holed up in an apartment, waiting for the National Guard to clear their community. Whe a zombie gets into their apartment, the friends decide to flee to a safer location. They choose a worm farm, which happened to be a disco club in the seventies.

Gore: There were a few gruesome killings in this film. Unfortunately, the lighting and camera FX change during most of these scenes, taking away what gorehounds might be looking for in this film. There are a couple of good after-shots of killings. This might make up for a little of the actual death scene FX to some.

Zombies: The zombies look decent. They shamble and eat flesh. They talk, which might turn some people off. Most of the words used by the zombies are seventies disco-type slang. The zombies do some disco moves as well.

Lighting: The lighting was pretty good in most of this film, aside from a few scenes. Overall, I feel they did well in that department.

Score: The film's score isn't bad. Some of the music fits the mood of the scenes. Other areas include techno and disco music. Overall, I have to say the score works for this movie.

Cartoon clips: This bothered me a bit. There were a few parts in the film in which zombie cartoon clips were spliced into the film. Much like House of the Dead, it didn't work for this film either.

DVD Extras: The DVD includes film outtakes, trailer, and the video for "Baby, Freak My Kizzerp."

Overall, this is not a bad watch for some one looking for an amusing horror film and something that zombie enthusiasts might want to acquire.

Review by hatefuldisplay (Ron Clark).

Wild Zero-2000

2005-12-12T15:47:00.000-05:00

Wild Zero is a Japanese zombie film that plagued my "movies to buy" list for quite some time. The price didn't go down much anywhere, so I finally broke down and bought it. Well, this turned out to be one of the most bizarre zombie flicks I've come across.

Synopsis: Well, this might be difficult to explain. A metorite crashes near a Japanese city. Some UFOs start hovering above the Earth. Zombies start walking the Earth in search of human flesh. Oh, and a Japanese rock band pisses off a crime kingpin. I think that covers the main aspects of the story.

Gore: Well, this film has plenty of gore. We have exploding heads and torn out internal organs. Well, the head shots look kind of crappy. There is one in which part of the head remains, which does look good though. The other gore looks pretty damn good though.

Zombies: The zombies in this film are slow and eat flesh. It seems a bit inconsistent, as the zombies seem to gain intelligence and the ability to talk and reason later in the film. At another point, they seem to ignore humans and not be trying to attack them, after trying to kill and consume them for the first half of the movie or so.

The zombies are blue. Some of them look terrible. Others look alright. On the darker scenes, they look good. Perhaps more night time zombie attacks would have improved this a bit.

Score: Well, most of the score was Japanese rock and some English-lyriced rock. Not bad though. Some of it fit the mood well.

Characters: I think the characters n this film helped it a lot. There was the Japanese greaser rock/metal band, Guitar Wolf, the misguided cowardly rocker named Ace, three traveling weirdos with no money, the criminal kingpin Captain (who wears very homoerotic clothing), a transvetite, and a female arms dealer. Very interesting ideas in the characters of the film to say the least.

Overall, I rate this film 3 1/2 out of five skulls. It was quite original and had some very campy and strange aspects to it. Definitely worth seeing, but it won't be for every one.

Review by hatefuldisplay (Ron Clark).

Zombie Nightmare-1986

2005-12-12T15:35:00.000-05:00

Jack Bravman spent the late sixties producing a series of saucy exploitation flicks (beginning with Sex Family Robinson (1968.) It only makes sense that his career would amass to a series of bad horror, in the middle of which sits Zombie Nightmare. Written by David Wellington (who went on to direct television), this movie suffers in so many areas that it’s hard to know where to begin, should one really begin at all.

What’s most annoying about it is that it starts out so strong. Picture this, if you will: Ignore the voodoo snippet from later in the movie (placed here as if to whet your appetite to the zombie madness to come) and you have Motorhead’s “Ace of Spades” screaming at you…up comes a bad 80’s digital thumbprint, and then in flailing red letters, the name of Adam West. For just a brief moment, you almost think that this was a good decision. Then you realize, before the opening credits are even over, that the film has just shot it’s wad and it’s almost pointless to go on. But you do, because you are obviously a sadist.

Tony Washington seemed like a good kid, he and his mother watching his father play a little softball with the community. It‘s the 50‘s (or so I think…the only way you can tell this information is coming to you via a flashback are the outfits that the thugs are wearing…greased hair, rolled jeans and black Con All-Stars, despite the short-80’s-shorts a ballplayers is wearing) and in come the token kids-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks. For no reason other than they are bad, racist kids, they attack a local black girl walking down the street. Luckily, the game is over and Mr. Washington and his family are nearby. Mr. Washington (John Fassano, director of Rock and Roll Nightmare (1987) and Black Roses (1988)…yes, the horror/metal connection goes deeper) confronts the thugs and ends up knifed. Okay, so we know it’ll be a revenge story. Great.

Flashforward. Tony (John Mikl Thor, who also scored this film, not to mention scoring, writing and acting in Rock and Roll Nightmare…I told you so, we are now entangled in the web that is bad horror/metal movies…and much later scores and plays a part in Graveyard (2003)) is now I high school student (which according to how time usually plays out, might make him approaching his forties. He looks good!) and despite his metal hairdo, seems like a good, All-American kid. He goes grocery shopping for his mom, and even saves convenient store clerks (named “Mr. Peters”, with thick Italian accents) from vicious ruffians. That is, until he is run down in the street by a carload of idiot teenagers. Oops.

Of course, the by-standers do the most obvious and logical thing and that is to drop his lifeless corpse off at his moms, rather than take him, I don’t know, to a hospital. She, wracked his grief, also does the most obvious and logical thing, She calls on Molly Mokembe (Manuska Rigaud), aka “Girl Harassed by thugs those many years ago,” to pay back a favor. Rigaud may just be in the running for worst voodoo priestess interpretation, with her wild hair and her jittery-voice, accompanied by a wicked underbite. It’s sometimes difficult to make out what she says, but I think I got the most important bits. Something about “revenge” and a “state between life and death” and needing “the blood from de live an-nee-mal-l-l.”

Anyway, Tony (or “Thor” as I like to call him) rises, screams and is handed a baseball bat, which he uses to beat the bloody hell out of his victims, among other means to kill.) He is clad in what he was wearing when he was killed himself, a black hoodie, a pair of grey joggers that appear to be pulled up to his knee, set off by a striking pair of very white socks, pulled all the way up, and some white tennis shoes. I have a feeling that this is the way Thor dresses, even when he’s not on a crap-zombie-movie set. Also, for whatever reason, after death, his hair is suddenly short. But then, continuity is not one of the strong points here.

God, I could go on and on about what is horribly wrong with this film, but then I wouldn’t be able to tell you about Adam West. Not that it matters. West plays Captain Tom Churchman, a cop with a shady past, who likes to harass other cops, namely Frank Sorrell (Frank Dietz.) Sorrell is guilty of actually trying to solve the murders of the idiot teenagers. West is a long way away from his Batman past, and even further away from what is hopefully a better zombie movie, Voodoo Island (1957), where he plays a Radio Operator (unaccredited, of course.)

Is there anything else redeemable, or even interesting about Zombie Nightmare? Well, depends on if you’re a big Tia Carrere fan (yes, Cassandra Wong of Wayne’s World (1992).) Here you get to see her act catty, bitch and moan and then get wasted. Hoo-rah.

Taglines: “Her power goes beyond life... his rage survives even death.”
“Your worst dreams are about to come true!”

Directed by Jack Bravman
Written by David Wellington
Produced by Shledon S. Goldstein, Eleanor Hilowitz, Charles Storms

Cast
Adam West .... Capt. Tom Churchman
Jon Mikl Thor .... Tony Washington
Tia Carrere .... Amy
Manuska Rigaud .... Molly Mokembe
Frank Dietz .... Frank Sorrell

The Child-1977

2005-12-12T15:29:00.000-05:00

For many a year, Harry Novak has brought us soft core fun like Country Cuzzins (1970) and The Pigkeeper’s Daughter (1973.) How blessed are we that he found it in himself to offer us up some zombie action? Okay, blessed might not be the word I want to use…

Poor Alicianne (Laural Barnett) has taken a job at the Nordon house, to act as nanny to the young Rosalie (Rosalie Cole.) Poor Rosalie needs extra special care, as she is still grieving the death of her wacko mother. Okay, not poor Rosalie, as she’s a bit of a spoiled little freak show herself. She draws psychopathic pictures and feeds kittens to zombies in the cemetery next door. I can’t really tell for sure whether or not she raises the zombies herself through her telekinesis (which you are provided an example or two of), or if they’re just…there. And for whatever reason don’t mind doing the bidding of this bratty little kid.

Whatever the case, it’s clear that when you have an unpleasant kid who wields some sort of occult-like power, chances are you’re going to end up with everyone dead. This is pretty much the case. When all is said and done, we’re left with the classic Find-A-Structure-And-Board-It-Up motif, so popular in zombie films.

Don’t get me wrong, the movie has it’s moments. But they are few and far between, which wouldn’t be so exasperating if it weren’t for the maddening score by Rob Wallace. Wild piano, with dreadful synth accompaniment (what’s with the electronic duck-quack sound?) absolutely destroys any amount of suspense they were obviously going for. And they did try…maybe a little too hard. While fog in a cemetery is always spooky, so much of it that it obscures the action in frame sort of defeats the purpose and leaves you, not goose-bumpy, but straining your eyes to see what the hell is going on.

The zombies themselves, however, were neato. In one poorly executed scene, they swarm upon a car (with our heros trapped inside, of course.) For just a moment, they were scary. They are not unlike a cheaper, darker, crustier version of Karlof’s “Mummy.” They also reminded me of Cesare in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1919), in that white on black thing going on. So, Cesare-Karlof-Mummy…only done very badly. You get the picture. And they are all over and they are scary and then they start rocking the car back and forth, as if they’re college students rioting after a game (only much less destructive.) For a long time they make no attempt to get into the car. They just rock it, back and forth. One even throws a spindly looking branch at the windshield. The point is: a perfectly good zombie swarming ruined by being completely anti-climactic.

Tagline: “Let's play hide and go kill...! "

Also Known As:
Kill and Go Hide (1977)
Zombie Child (1977)
Runtime: 82 min
Country: USA
Language: English

Directed by Robert Voskanian
Written by Ralph Lucas
Produced by Robert Dadashian
Exectutive Produced by Harry Novak

Cast

Laurel Barnett .... Alicianne Del Mar
Rosalie Cole .... Rosalie Nordon
Frank Janson .... Mr.Nordon
Richard Hanners .... Len Nordon
Ruth Ballan .... Mrs.Whitfield

Sugar Hill-1974

2005-12-12T15:20:00.000-05:00

What do you do when some white guy gets his flunkies to beat your man to death in the parking lot of the club he refused to sell? If you’re Diana (aka Sugar) Hill, you raise some zombies and exact revenge. What else?

Morgan (Robert Quarry, aka Count Yorga) is a ruthless thug, bent on owning Club Haiti. But Langston (Larry D. Johnson) just refuses to budge. So, it’s face down in the parking lot wearing a strangely sparkling leisure suit with a wavy lapel. What a way to go.

Sugar (Marki Bey) goes back to her family homestead to find Mama Maitresse (Zara Cully, aka “Mother” Jefferson from the original cast of The Jeffersons), Voodoo priestess, who claims to be out of the business, possibly on moral grounds, but once you get her going, seems very enthusiastic about her work. Together, they rouse Baron Samedi (Don Pedro Colley), the Haitian “loa” of death, wearing a top hat and spinning a cane. He’s responsible for controlling passageway from the world of the living to the world of the dead, and is supposed to enjoy cigarettes, food and the rum in which 21 hot peppers have been steeped…or, in the case of this film, all he wants at the end of the day is a little action.

So, the dead do indeed rise, in the form of slaves that died circa 1840-1850, on the way over from Guinea. Still wearing their shackles (which rattle and clank just before they do in a henchman) and brandishing machetes, these ‘fro-sporting zombies stare with their silvery, bulbous eyeballs (make-up courtesy of Hank Edds, who also provided make up for Polanski’s Chinatown that same year.)

Lt. Valentine (Richard Lawson), Sugar’s former lover, is on the case and for no apparent reason suspects voodoo is behind it all. Between his research and flirting with Sugar, he manages to get absolutely no where, not that it matters.

Ah, the Blaxploitation genre, at which one both laughs hard and shakes head sadly, thankfully spat out a horror sub-genre. Along side the likes of Blacula (1972), Blackenstein (1973) and Dr. Black and Mr. Hyde (1976) comes Sugar Hill, the undead’s foray into the world of women’s pantsuits and catfights, not to mention the unashamed use of the word “Nigger” and, more amusingly, the term “Honk.” Who can we thank for this? For one, you can thank Tim Kelly, well known mostly as a playwright (also penned “Zombie” and “Shake with a Zombie”.) Sugar Hill was adapted from his play “Black Voodoo.” You can also thank director Paul Maslansky, who thankfully never directed again, but did bring us the Police Academy movies as a producer. And, of course (and not surprisingly) Samuel Z. Arkoff, of American International Pictures. God, what else this man is responsible for…well, that’s another book entirely.

You’re either going to be highly amused by this film, or slightly offended. In either case, it’s worth a watch for many reasons, two of which I’ll provide for you here. There aren’t too many movies out there that give you an attack-of-the-disembodied-chicken-leg scene. And if that’s not enough to get you to rent this one, you’ll be charmed when you’re exposed to the opening and closing song “Supernatural Voodoo Woman” by the Originals (Motown Records, from the album “Game Called Love” (1974), which also features the song “She’s My Old Lady.”) You don’t want to miss out of having this stuck in your head for days and days.

Tagline : “Meet SUGAR HILL and her ZOMBIE HIT MEN...The Mafia has never met anything like them!”

Also Known As:
Voodoo Girl (1974)
Zombies of Sugar Hill, The (1974)
Runtime: 91 min
Country: USA

Marki Bey .... Diana 'Sugar' Hill
Don Pedro Colley .... Baron Samedi
Robert Quarry .... Morgan
Richard Lawson .... Lt. Valentine
Zara Cully .... Mama Maitresse
Betty Anne Rees .... Celeste, the moll

Sex, Chocolate and Zombie Republicans-1998

2005-12-12T15:16:00.000-05:00

What happens when you mail out a chain letter to all your friends, family, and the like? Well, chances are they will ignore it (as they should), and of course, horrible bad luck shall befall them. Worst case scenerio…everyone turns into a zombie Republican.

Silly, naïve Jessica has received an old chain letter, and, like an idiot, does it’s bidding. When things don’t go as she expected and her friends and loved one toss the letters instead of sending them off, each of them falls victim to their worst fear…or general annoyance. Rayna, who prefers her man to stay awake, even if only for a few minutes after a romp in the bedroom, (here’s some of your “Sex”) finds that she can do nothing but immediately put every man she comes into contact with straight to sleepy-time land. Ginger, a health conscious, yoga contorting would-be model, finds she can’t control herself and eats every piece of chocolate within chomping distance, including the baking stuff (yeah, there’s your “Chocolate”.) This results in an onslaught of acne the day before a big birthday card photo shoot. Oh No. There’s more, but I can’t really go over them for lack of space. Bowman (also responsible for the likes of Cybersex Kittens (1995) and Revenge of Mr. Willie) apparently likes a cast of thousands.

But onto the important part. The zombies. It would appear that in addition to the broad-spectrum of bad luck, parents of Jessica’s friends, formally tree-hugging aging hippies, have now become zombie Republicans (and we have finished our title.) And it’s spreading. Can Jessica affect the winds of change in the luck of her friends? Can she keep the world from being overrun with zombie Republicans? I won’t tell, because if I had to sit through 110 minutes to find out, so should you.

That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it. As a matter of fact, there’s a certain amount of ridiculousness I appreciate (in all things really, not just my zombie movies.) And Bowman likes to cater to this in heaping mounds of silliness. Not to mention a heart-warming homage to Romero’s Night of the Living Dead (yes, another one) towards the end, where masses of Zombie Republicans swarm the house. The make-up is shoddy, which means it’s not that far a cry from Night ’68. My only complaint, really, is that it just went on…forever. It wouldn’t stop. I am a cheese connoisseur, but after a while, even I was looking at the clock, wondering who the hell his editor was and why didn’t this person speak up when there was still time to do something about it.

Oh well, they can’t all be perfect, now can they?

This movie is an exercise in absurdity. Shot on video with little to no production values, you have to take what you can get. So, my advice would be to relax and take it for what it is. Another piece of advice would be this: If you are a Republican, just don’t watch it. It’ll just hurt your feelings. On the other hand, if you’re also a big fan of the boob shot, by all means, pop this puppy in and try to ignore the liberal one-liners.

CAST

Jessica…Jenna Faustino
Rayna…Elyse Ashton
Ginger…Andrea Gillie Kemp
Nicole…Denise Reiser
Frog…Mark Darcourt
Lindsey…Elena St. John
Darlene…Debbie Dobbs
Cindy…Linda Etoh Pine
Kevin…Ted Leavengood

Corpses Are Forever-2003

2005-12-12T01:10:00.000-05:00

I've watched this three times. And not because I wanted to. Even after three viewings, I still couldn't figure out exactly what to do with it...so I decided to cop out and cheat. In 1994, Roger Ebert utilized the Devil/Angel on my Shoulder technique to review The Hudsucker Proxy. I'm going to use that here because, well, it's just easier this way.

I find Ebert's little angel and devil perched too upon my shoulders, only for some reason they're dressed in 70's fashion a la Truck Turner, which I'm not surprised by, nor do I have a problem with. And, thank God, they are dictating this review of Corpses are Forever.

Angel: Oh, gee, how fun is this? A Zombie/Spy movie. With spies and zombies. And an exciting, intricate story and a B-/Horror Movie All Star Team cast, the A-list of the B-list! Jose Prendes, who wears many hats on this production, plays Malcolm Grant, a CIA operative injected with some sort of DNA-based...uh...stuff, which allows him to live through someone else’s memories. In this case, serial killer, Quint Barrow, also played by Prendes...

Devil: Wait. Just wait one minute. What does Prendes do on this film? Okay, he stars, playing two characters. He wrote it. He directed it. He's also credited for producing, co-scoring, and special effects. "Wearing many hats" could be a more pleasant way of saying "spreading self too thin." Now, the writing. What you call an exciting and intricate story, to me, seems like a lot of blah, blah, blah for the sake of being "exciting and intricate." I've watched this three times and I still don't completely know what's going on half the time, and it's not for the lack of ability to figure it out. I just don't care enough to. Okay, the fact is that I didn't even watch it three times. On the third viewing, I got about a third of the way through, and I just couldn't go on. Hell, one could figure out the end of Chinatown easier a third of the way through! And frankly, I question the writing if they think it's a logical idea to have our hero driving around in an old convertible during the zombie menace. Are you saying that, as a writer, he thought it would work, and as a director, he had a choice between what worked for the story and what he thought would "look cool" and he chose the convertible (with the top down, mind you)? This is a guy who has written 31 scripts and 9 books in 4 years...what is it they say about quality over quantity?

Angel: Well...hey, he had a lot on his plate. It's a lot of work, directing and acting. Maybe it was more coherent in the script stages, but sometimes there are distractions and not everything is covered as well as he'd like them to have...

Devil: Hence, why it might have been a good idea to leave the acting to the actors, and concentrate on the directing. The film leaves me with the feeling that if it wasn't going on within five feet of him, he didn't care. I mean, there’s a scene in which Richard Lynch is addressing his little army of commandos. He's got a map on a large, plate glass window. And through said window, one can witness lots of things, like cars driving by, people pumping gas. You know...civilization. During a zombie apocalypse. Unless that was a zombie pumping his own gas, I could be mistaken. Someone could have maybe suggested, I don't know, moving the map and the scene to a wall and not a window. And, I understand that maybe Prendes' access to hundreds of people willing to play the undead may have been limited, however, a little fancy camera work and he could have made that group of twenty look like a group of 50, or even one hundred. But no. Someone had a zombie holocaust and no one invited the zombies. Sort of disappointing. That, and the fact that most of them are from the Flyboy-from-Dawn, bent-ankle, foot-drag school of zombidom. Was there no direction for them?

Angel: Okay, Mr. Grumpy Trousers, as I was saying about the cast...you've got your Richard Lynch, who gives it his all, and saves the film, really. Brinke Stevens plays Dr. Thesiger, maker of the DNA stuff. Linnea Quigley, who, while still delivering her lines in that strangely flat monotone, manages to come off as being downright cute, even covered head to toe in blood. Debbie Rochon plays Marguerite, Grant's love interest, who enjoys plastic clothing and being not so very nice all the time. Felissa Rose plays Gina, a woman infected by a zombie and on her way to becoming one. Conrad Brooks...doing what Conrad Brooks does, which most, I'm sure, can guess. Bill Perlach plays the preacher, and frankly, I found him to be the most enjoyable character. Last but not least, a quick appearance from Don Calfa, playing Jack Stark, Grant's former boss.

Devil: I love the cast. I do. I have a real soft spot for these actors and actresses. Lynch can indeed be commended for his performance. Brinke and Linnea will always be cherished among genre fans. Rochon is a favorite; she's got the best attitude. We're all happy to see the return of Rose to the genre. Conrad Brooks...well...yeah. Anyway. Bill Perlach is a wonderful fresh face and I do hope to see more of him elsewhere (I'd also like to see him in focus.) And Calfa. Well, who doesn't love Don Calfa? It's a real shame all his lines were unintelligible due to bad sound (was that actually a jet flying overhead that I heard?)

Angel: Oh, there you go...pick, pick, pick.

Devil: Sound is an important part of the film, unless you're making a silent film. Which maybe Prendes should have considered doing, especially after listening to his accent as the Quint character...what was he? English, Aussie? Did he even have the accent in later moments of the film?

Angel: Shut up. Maybe the sound guy just sucked.

Devil: Well, obviously the sound guy sucked, but you don't shoot a whole movie and not realize your sound guy sucks. Unless, of course, you're too busy acting and you don't notice...

Angel: Why? Why are you being so incredibly critical of this man's efforts? You like other low-to-no budget films. What is it about this film in particular that bothers you?

Devil: That's a good question. There are a lot of things that bother me about this film. But I think primarily, it's the fact that there's nothing about this film that made it impossible to shoot on DV. But he chose 35mm. Thus eating probably most of his $200,000 budget, which came from a trust fund. If it was shot on DV, he could have spent more money on the wardrobe, which looked as if it could meet the demands of any high school play. Or maybe the effects, which probably would have sufficed at any backwoods Haunted House/Hayride. He could have paid for a real sound guy. He could have maybe put some money out for a long lens, with which to shoot the overly choreographed fight scenes, which, as is, are laughable. Who chooses to shoot a fight scene from a slightly elevated angle, thus revealing every more-than-a-foot-away-from-the-zombie's-face miss? Maybe he could have compensated his actors and actresses better, at the very least. It's maybe a little upsetting to me that there are a bunch of indie filmmakers out there that could've spent this money more wisely and made a better quality, more entertaining film. But they just don't have the trust funds for it. It just seems...I don't know...self-indulgent. Much better has been done for much less.

Angel: Such as...

Devil: Clerks $27,000. The Blair Witch Project, $60,000. Just recently, the documentary Super Size Me, $65,000, and that guy ate McDonald's three times a day for a month on that budget...

Angel: Okay, I get the picture. But...but...*sigh*. Fine, you got me. Do we want to describe the story anymore?

Devil: No, we don't.

Angel: Grab a beer?

Devil: Absolutely.

I'd like to thank Roger Ebert for saving me, and also the Cohen brothers for making a mediocre film.

Bone Sickness-2004

2005-12-12T00:48:00.000-05:00

Brian Paulin, the director who brought us Mummy Raider starring Misty Mundae, now brings us Bone Sickness. It’s a story about Kristen McNetti (Darya Zabinski), whose husband, Alex, is suddenly struck one year previous with a degenerative bone disease. Due to what I think is the inability to pay for proper treatment, she turns to a friend, Thomas Granger, a Morgue attendant. In all his scientific wisdom, he provides her with a combination corpse marrow and red meat mixture to blend into her husband’s food. This is supposed to make him better. Of course, it doesn’t. It makes him horribly ill, with wormy-squirts coming from most orifices. It’s plain to see that he can’t possibly improve if he’s digesting nasty corpse marrow bits, so what’s the next logical step? Of course, he needs fresher marrow bits! But, by this time he’s acquired a taste for the recently deceased, and now the movie is a circus.

What started out with promise, ended with a kind of disappointment. Not the kind of disappointment one gets when they sit there for 98 minutes and watch something start out all right and then slowly spiral down into a sloppy, stinking mess. It’s the kind when you just know that somewhere in all the chaos, there is a decent, cohesive film that one could enjoy. What’s particularly frustrating about Bone Sickness is that the film that it could have been would have been leaps and bounds better than 98% of the low-budget zombie films being churned out at a head-spinning pace in people’s backyards and garages.

The corpse-including concoction given to Alex to cure him is reminiscent of the Voodoo zombie powder written about in Wade Davis’s The Serpent and the Rainbow. However, the effect is not a zombie, but a “Necro-junky,” as he is referred to in the film (side-effect of this is suddenly growing your hair long and letting it get greasy.) It’s an updated, Americanized twist on the voodoo myth which is a much appreciated shift from the chemical/radioactive/etc reasons we’ve been given as of late for a zombie outbreak. Unfortunately, about halfway through the film, things begin to get convoluted, and never stop. In fact, it actually seems to gain momentum once the ball of confusion gets rolling.

Is Alex a zombie? You don’t know. Why are the zombies rising? You don’t know. Is his best friend sleeping with his wife? You don’t know. Do any of the chicks in this film keep their clothes on? Okay, the answer is: one and a half. Why are there scorpions? You don’t know. Are those goblins?? Yes, but we don’t know where they came from, or why. Yes, I said “goblins,” and your guess is as good as mine. Most of the movie is spent in complete and utter befuddlement, only to have some of it explained in a spurt of dialog, too little, too late. Suspense can be built by tossing a few perplexing moments at the audience, but to throw them hand over fist and offering absolutely nothing to help tie things together until much of the action is done is useless, and a bit frustrating.

What Bone Sickness does have going for it are some great zombies. Very serious attention was paid to the making of, the lighting of and the overall appearance of the real stars of the film. Here we have a gaggle of fiends recalling Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things. Instead of the very popular fast-paced, poorly cut, quick zombie attack, with a speed metal accompaniment, Paulin hands us a classic rise from the grave. And judging by the Behind-the-Scenes footage, it’s a graveyard built in a garage. I’m always impressed by low-budget filmmakers who actually think a scene’s important enough to build a set for. The hard work paid off, and the result is a creepy trip back to the good ol’ days when zombies were slow, and scary…not so much because they were going to eat you, but because they were spooky, decaying corpses that were shuffling around after you. That’s not to say that there’s no flesh eating…

…because there is. Paulin didn’t skimp on the gore and blood, though the latter is a bit watery. The story did seem to suffer for it towards the ending, when meaningful action that helped the audience stay abreast of the situation was lost in a string of interesting and creative effects gags. That’s the disadvantage. The advantage is that you get to watch a string of interesting and creative effects gags.

Bone Sickness also suffers from something I often wonder about in these low-budget jobbies: where is the wardrobe? How many of these do I have to sit through in which I am asked to believe that the girl with the Betty Page haircut and funky-punk shirt is supposed to be the nosey neighbor in some nameless suburbia? How many times must I try to convince myself that although the characters are peppered with tattoos, and sometimes the odd piercing and unnaturally colored hair, and although their homes are decorated in the hippest punk-rocker fashion (how much animal print can one really take?), are your garden-variety people? Yep, just normal everyday people with normal everyday jobs, who water their flowers and call over the fence between yards to each other asking how-have-you-been-lately-Mrs.-so-and-so? Is it really that hard to dress a set? Is a real wardrobe and a wig really too much to request? Or, a properly placed, concealing sleeve, perhaps? (sigh)

Okay, so anyway, I lied when I said the zombies were the stars of this film, though they are a very close second. The real star of Bone Sickness is Rich George, who plays the sick husband, Alex. I can’t really praise his acting skills, I’m sorry to say. But what can you say about a person who puts a good handful of live squirmy-worms in his mouth, sets himself on fire, and a variety of other haphazard stunts…all for a low budget zombie flick? You say: without you, this movie wouldn’t have been nearly as entertaining. Thank you.

Altogether, Bone Sickness is both fun and difficult to sit through; fun for the action and effects, but difficult due to the mix-mangle story and continuity. In the end, you're appreciative, but not neccessarily satisfied.