Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Teenage Zombie House Massacre


After realizing a number of zombie classics were missing around here, I took a look around my house in search of films that readers might be interested in knowing about. That’s when I dug up my cop of Teenage Zombie House Massacre and decided to watch it again. Oh, how one suffers to help others.

Before I go on too much, I will say that owning this movie did help me get talked into buying Midnight Skater by the same folks. Much beer and wanting to help independent filmmakers helped as well.


Review: We begin in the past. An apparently homeless man staggers down a road and seeks shelter under the porch of a house. As he covers up with his blanket from the night, he is attacked by what I assume is supposed to be a zombie. The attacker looks to be cuddling the vagrant and makes no attempt to bite him. I suppose the bites must have followed the initial snuggling.

Before we see the vagrant get wasted, the time flashes ahead to 1988. A group of metalheads are hanging out on some railroad tracks and planning their party for the evening. They choose to throw a party at a supposedly haunted house and begin trying to gather others to join them at the party.

That night, the metalheads begin to gather at the house. They immediately discover the electricity is still working to their apparent astonishment. I need that electric company and I’ll explain why later.

Anyway, the metalheads split up. A couple heads upstairs to get some nookie going. The others stay on the first floor and hang out waiting for the beer to show up. Although they have split into two groups, they both begin discussing the murders that occurred in the house they are in. They speak about the rumors that the people murdered in the house were cannibalized. This was supposedly over thirty years in the past, but the electricity was never turned off.

While the male lover heads off to find a condom, or a “jimmy cap” as he refers to it, a zombie attacks his woman. No one hears her screams and her man returns to the bedroom to work on sealing the deal. When he lies on the bed with her, he fails to notice that she is bleeding or that there is a zombie in the room with her until they both begin to bite him.


One of the remaining revelers heads up to the second floor to try to get “seconds,” only to find himself attacked by two zombies. He falls down the stairs and warns the others after being bitten. The three flee to the basement as more zombies begin to come out of numerous hiding places throughout the house.

I’ll stop now. Well, one can only tell so much about a 34-minute film before the whole story is told.

Final Thoughts: Needless to say, there is not a lot of substance involved in this movie. It’s packed with issues that can be picked apart such as the police never finding all the bodies like the one’s under sheets and in shrubs during the crime investigation. It’s entertaining to an extent, but nothing too exciting. The action is unconvincing, the acting is bad, and the dialogue needs help. The zombies look like extras from a gothic or horrorpunk video with pale skin and lots of black makeup around the eyes. There is a bit of gore, but as with the rest of the film, it is not too believable or enough to make most people wince unless Ghostbusters was a frightening film experience to them. I wouldn't recommend this film to most people unless you are seeking out every zombie film you can find. But, for what it’s worth, these guys improved their filmmaking greatly since this one was made or you enjoy campy and very poorly made films. Perhaps this is one to throw in at parties and make fun of. Even Stacy Silvers told me they made this while they were still in high school when I politely discussed my thoughts of it with him a couple years back. Check out Midnight Skater. It's a much better project by the same crew.


Written and directed by Jared Bullis, Andy Campbell, Luke Campbell, and Ezra Haidet.


Cast:

Andy Campbell- Axl

Jared Bullis- Richard

Luke Campbell- Doug

Andrew Mercer- B.J.

Roza Haidet- Abby

Ezra Haidet- zombie

Stacy Silvers- Beer Guy


Reviewed by HatefulDisplay (Ron Clark)

1 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

I was actually in this movie (zombie). And I can verify that everyone was in HS cast and crew at the time. It was shot over spring break in 1999.

8:19 PM  

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